


Nilla's Drabble Dump

by Agraulis_vanillae



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphyne, Alternate Universe - Underfell, Alternate Universe - Underswap, Amnesia, Angel Sans, Archer - Freeform, Body Horror, Cannibalism, Continued Drabbles, Cussing, Death, Demon Papyrus, Drabble Collection, Edge is on a Neverending Quest to get a job, Edgepuff, Electronic pets, Eye Trauma, F/F, F/M, Fell!Wolves, Fluff, Gen, Horror, Horse Friends, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I made Papyrus cry, I need one of those signs hanging over my neck to shame me publicly for that like someone's housepet, Keeper!Red, Krieger - Freeform, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Naga!Edge, Nobody Wins, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Papyrus Remembers Resets, Pets, Poor Papyrus, Pre-Accident W. D. Gaster, Revenge, Sans Remembers Resets, Spazztastic Trio Strikes Again!, Temporary Amnesia, Thunderstorms, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Underfell Papyrus, Underfell Sans, Undertale Genocide Route, Undertale Saves and Resets, Undyne has a bad time, Vampire!Papyrus, Video & Computer Games, W. D. Gaster - Freeform, Warnings May Change, abuse of science, edgeberry, excessive cussing, fallen child - Freeform, honeymustard - Freeform, nagas, pet love, rebornfell, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 21:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 27,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9566813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agraulis_vanillae/pseuds/Agraulis_vanillae
Summary: These are all sorts of 1500 words or less drabbles. They'd blow up my fic count, so here's where they go! Will include everything SFW, requests are accepted! NSFW requests can be made, but will go into a Drabble set for the NSFW corner (has yet to be made)! No limits on characters, it does NOT have to be Sans and Papyrus exclusively!





	1. not the rain i mind

He could feel it in his bones, the latest boom of thunder that sent shock waves traveling up through the floor and through Papyrus's body as if nothing could possibly be okay. By all means, he _technically_ knewthat everything would be okay, from the way that Chara casually walked out into the storm with an umbrella after they'd heard the first crack of thunder that afternoon, simply looking to avoid getting wet. He even knew that storms were natural on the Surface, by the media depicting storms commonly in shows and movies, often with dramatic effect. However, he couldn't shake off the growing sense of dread associated with the power given off by lightning strikes.

 

Then the room lit up as clear as day for a flicker before blinding him with pitch black, the dimensions of the room disappearing as his night vision was ruined, and Papyrus cringed in anticipation for the loud cra-

 

_CRRK-BOOM!!!_

 

He seized the ball of sheets at the end of the bed, and gripped it to his sternum tightly in a panic, all but burying his head as far into the cotton fabric as possible to muffle the storm that was right on top of them. If his mattress was raised up, he'd have climbed under the bed by now and still considered being sandwiched between the floor and mattress a very tempting idea in 'light' of the situation.

 

“PAPY?” The door opened slightly, but not completely. Sans respected his privacy too much. “I CAN HEAR YOUR BONES RATTLING IN MY ROOM.”

 

He's not surprised by this, but there's not much room for registering any other feelings under the tidal wave of raw ringing fear. He wasn't quite aware of when he'd simply fallen over on his mattress, still curled around the ball of sheets like an anchor. It took all he had to speak through the tightness of his ribcage, only a tight whisper. “yeah, bro?”

 

A few seconds, and then the light of the hallway filtered through the widening door before Sans comes in, blanket dragging behind him gathered from his shoulders, not helping as a phantom image of Sans as King came and passed in a flash. He asked, “SLEEP WITH ME TONIGHT?”

 

As stiff as he was from mind numbing panic, Papyrus was scrambling off his mattress the second the room lit up with the promise of another clap of thunder on the way. Sans followed behind quickly, stopping only to jump the rail downstairs and grab a couple of candles before racing the rumbling thunder back up the stairs in time to bound lightly onto his cool motorbike mattress. The thunder boomed on cue, and Papyrus did his best to imagine for a second that it was only an amazing sound effect made just for his brother's landing.

 

There wasn't much room for them both, as it was a typical twin sized bed, but Sans simply set the candles on the dresser, lit the wicks, and threw his legs over Papyrus's. Sans grabbed a book that was obscured in the shadows next to his bed.

 

Curiosity managed to break beyond the storm fear, so that Papyrus rasped hoarsely, “what are you doing, sans?”

 

“I'M READING YOU A BED TIME STORY, LIKE I DID WHEN YOU WERE A BABY BONES.” Sans responded, shifting closer, and opening the book.

 

“aw, geez, sans you don't have to go doing a thing like that.” Papyrus muttered, embarrassed for himself. How many resets has he experienced, yet he couldn't even handle a storm on the surface? “i-it's not that bad.”

 

Sans gave him a stern look. “NONSENSE! THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO READ A STORY, HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW DARK IT'S BEEN ALL DAY?” Then he smiled, one of his million watt smiles, that made even his eyes light up and rivaled the candle light in brightness. “THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME FOR DRAMA! SUSPENSE! ADVENTURE!”

 

He managed a reluctant smile back, more than he'd been able to manage all night. “if you say so, bro.”

 

“I DO! NOW...” Sans paged through the book, much thicker than the old children's book he'd used in previous years. His voice dropped as he began reading, automatically dropping into the role as storyteller in a way that Papyrus hadn't quite realized that he'd missed. The nostalgia and candlelight wrapped around him in a private world as the story began:

 

“The primroses were over. Toward the edge of the wood, where the ground became open and sloped down to an old fence...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a drabble for YaoiAddiction! <3 A storm hit their area awhile ago, so I wanted to write something nice and sweet, the Underswap universe is naturally perfect for that!  
> Incidentally, Sans is reading "Watership Down" to Papyrus, which I now headcanon that Swap Papyrus likes to read 'cuz it's also about bunnies, but a good book even for adults to read! Not to mention, I think he'd relate well to the story...


	2. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fell!Wolves and the Swap brothers, original concept by Sanspar! Fell has a tendency of pushing boundaries, and Underswap!Sans has a tendency of letting him.  
> I'd rate this chapter "General", and this is not expressly shipping Edgeberry and Honeymustard, nor must it be platonic. It's straight up fluffy love, through and through. (Shhhhh just ignore the part where it's over 1500 words, just... shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

When they first got the wolf brothers, Sans had originally intended for them to stay out of their bedrooms as according to the animal care book he checked out from the library, it was difficult to reclaim your space once you let them in. This was the initial routine, Sans would get up in the morning to let Fell and Red out to do their business, and then ready breakfast for himself, Papy, and the wolves. The wolves would explore outside the perimeter of the house, running off pent up energy in the woods and marking territory before circling back to them.

 

They would be let back in to eat breakfast with them, and then Sans would bound off to calibrate puzzles, invent new traps, and try to get the microwave working in the forest so that the human would be able to heat up the tacos and be stopped in their tracks by his delicious cooking! At least... when a human fell down to begin with. The large hulking wolf, Fell, would follow Sans during the course of the day while Red would follow Papy for awhile and then return back home to snooze.

 

After the day was finished up, he and Fell would return home and eat dinner with Red, Papy was always out late and got a plate to be heated up when he got back. Then he would spend quality time with the wolves during Nappstaton's show, sitting down on the ground next to them with Fell resting on his dog bed with his head on Blue's lap and Red tucked underneath Sans's arm, fast asleep only to wake up if Sans stopped languidly petting and whine for him to continue. It got harder and harder to stop petting them and go to bed on time, but he resolved to sleep once Papy returned and read a story with him, and then he'd go to sleep with the door to his bedroom closed.

 

This routine would keep up for a few weeks, except one morning Sans found Fell sleeping at the foot of his door. “FELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP IN YOUR BED.” Sans huffed, with amusement in his voice more than anything.

 

' _HRMPH_.' Edge gave a huffing whine in response, hunching over to nudge his hand and then straightening up to stare at him intently.

 

Unable to resist, he scratched Edge's ears and planted a kiss right in the middle of his eyes. The large wolf's ears flattened out briefly, and he gave him an oddly delicate lick across the cheek. Sans's eyelights formed into stars at the unexpected gesture. Wowie! Red gave slobbery wolfie kisses all the time, but Edge never seemed fond of such open displays of affection.“OKAY, OKAY, NOW GIVE ME A SECOND TO GET DRESSED BEFORE I LET YOU OUT!”

 

The wolf laid down at the edge of the open doorway as his energetic owner grabbed his clothes and makeshift armor to prepare for the day, burying his nose into his paws and snuffled abashedly at himself. Papy, dragging himself out of bed at the sounds of Sans's activities, passed by the wolf with a long jaw popping yawn and patted the wolf in greeting.

 

“no one's judging, buddy.”

 

An earnest whimper emitted from inside his faded orange hoodie, and Red's ears poked out only to be followed by Red's face. Papy rubbed his head, tapping his forehead to his, and gave a light rattling snap of his long phalanges. Fell reluctantly followed to be let out on his morning run.

 

A new routine had been established.

 

Eventually, one night Papy had been even later to come home than usual, late enough that Sans no longer could keep his eyes open. He didn't like it when Papy was home this late though, it made him worry that Papy had gotten lost on the way home from Muffet's or had fallen asleep at one of his station's as he was wont to do, and so he delayed his bedtime rituals for a few more crucial moments. An extra minute to brush his teeth, slowly putting on pajamas, checking the Undernet for new messages, messing with his well made blankets and sheets a little longer to get comfortable, that sort of thing. Yet, he didn't feel more comfortable having his pillow positioned against the headboard at an exact 33 degree angle and his blankets being folded at the top just so the extra weight keeps the blankets over his shoulders to keep him warmer at night. His brother being gone so long had made him feel lonely and anxious, and there weren't any new messages on the Undernet to distract him from the feeling either. He hopped out of bed to retrieve an extra pillow from his closet to hug close to his sternum in his sleep, and stared at his closed door even as he approached his now messy bed. Before his better judgment kicked in, he crossed his room and opened up the door to his room a crack, and then flipped the light switch off.

 

The wolves looked up from their positions on the dog beds and the couch, ears twitching at the unusual sound.

 

Sure enough, when Sans woke up that morning, the door was pushed wide open and both wolves had made themselves at home inside his room, Fell laying at the foot of his bed and Red curled up in a tight ball near the doorway. Both wolves glanced up, blinking sleepily at the sound of Sans sitting up in his bed. He made a stern face, nearly sending Red scuttling, “HONESTLY, I FORGET TO CLOSE THE DOOR FOR ONE NIGHT!!! AND YOU TWO STORM IN LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE!”

 

Yet, his tone lacked any real censure. Fell resumed sleeping, and Red cautiously approached Sans with his usual surprisingly deep woof, mismatched for an animal of his size especially given his much larger brother had a high reedy bark when he deigned to sound off at all. Sans sighed and tossed the spare pillow back onto his bed, “I'M NOT CONTRIBUTING TO YOUR DELINQUENCY ANYMORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE!!!”

 

Fell trotted over to the bed and stuck his nose to the hugging pillow when Sans exited his room to go check on Papy, paying no mind to the canine invasion that remained.

 

It smelled of him.

 

It didn't take long for Sans to give up the pretense of keeping the wolves out of his room completely, always leaving his door cracked. Fell would nudge open his cracked door faithfully every night and curl up at the foot of his bed. Red would occasionally join them, but was just as likely to be satisfied with his position on their beat up couch downstairs, waiting for Papy to walk through the door with leftovers and feed him a cookie or two. After awhile, Sans figured it would be better if he just set Fell's bed next to his doorway, letting him come in even at night time when he was reading or typing away on his social account on the Undernet. When Papy would arrive home early, he would be greeted by Red, which he would pick up and set inside his hoodie and head upstairs.

 

Sans was watching Fell kick his bedding around, and eventually settling on it once it was at Sans's bedside. Sans saw Papy at the door, and asked “IS IT JUST ME, OR IS HE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE?”

 

Papy gave a slight shrug and a tired but genuine smile as his jaw was headbutted needily by Red from inside the hoodie. Rubbing his ears gently and getting licked for the trouble, Papy responded with, “i dunno bro. have you tried asking him?”

 

“SILLY PAPY, THE WOLVES DON'T TALK! WELL, NOT IN MONSTER LANGUAGE, ANYWAYS.” Sans laughed, and turned back to his place in the crossword he was solving before he'd gotten distracted.

 

Fell raised his head to look at the lanky laid-back skeleton, who winked at him in response. Fell groaned and simply curled up tighter, an embarrassed sound that had Papy chuckling as he walked away to go practice the saxophone in his room.

 

Regardless of what Sans would be doing, Fell could be found with his position oriented to him. When Sans was at the desktop chatting, he was curled up under the desk with his head resting awkwardly on the walls of the desk and his bushy tail and his legs sticking out, defying any logic dictating that he couldn't fit inside. When Sans was fidgeting with a metallic puzzle made of entwined hooks, he was sitting on the floor with his back resting against Fell who'd be curled around him. When Sans was reading, Fell was laying across the length of the floor, facing him and watching the slight shifts in his facial expression as Sans reacted to the story.

 

When the household was dark and quiet one night, Fell's bright red eyes were still open, watching Sans's sleeping form almost thoughtfully from his place next to the bed. Sans was still sleeping with the extra pillow, ignoring the fact that it was still covered in long dark hairs from the last time Fell stole it from his bed. The pillow was balanced precariously at the edge of the bed, Sans's arm hung loosely around it as he snored softly. It was about an hour of light dozing when Fell's ears picked up the sound of an airy 'thump!'.

 

He raised his head to look at the pillow that had ended up right in front of his face. He reached out to paw at it lightly, nearly taking the pillow for himself, and then suddenly sat up to look at his owner. Sans hadn't woken up, completely unaware that anything was amiss, and continued to snooze.

 

One paw onto the sheets, back down and then up again, soon to be joined by a second. He pressed forward, the mattress dipping slightly under his weight and the sheet wrinkling around the pressure. With a light leap, he was onto Sans's bed. He attempted to curl up and sleep once more, but he felt Sans shift, and throw an arm around him. Fell fought the unexpected weight briefly, but his eyes slowly closing under the warmth, and he was lulled into sleep once more by Sans's scent telling him that he was in his rightful place in this world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started letting one of my dog in my room while I was there, and so a blanket I kicked off my bed has now migrated from near my closet to next to my bed. It prompted this unexpectedly long drabble I needed out of my system which is purely pet love. 
> 
> That being said, my dog is still not allowed on my bed.


	3. Popped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne loses an eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This is meant to be disturbing, so if you're sensitive to the idea of pain, self-harm, and self-maiming, please turn back!

Undyne stepped through her doorway, and closed the door quickly. The second her ghostly neighbor mentioned something was up, she noticed it. Or rather, she was forced to notice it when before she had been making a point not to acknowledge the sickly pulsing in her head. Truthfully, she was trying to avoid thinking about it too much, this pressure behind her left eye. It started at the beginning of the week, and had only been getting worse. If she didn't blink too much, she could almost ignore the awkward distension, but all she could hope for at the time was for it to go away.

 

It didn't.

 

Her aim had gotten worse, and she felt as if her perception had shifted to the side somehow, like she'd developed a sizable blind spot while training with the Mad Dummy.

 

She didn't want to go to anyone for this problem, she could see the depression slowly setting into Alphys's gaze lately, those long stares into nothing sometimes as she worried away at some unseen trouble in her brilliant mind. Disturbing her in those moments often meant bearing witness to the poor monster dropping something or falling over in shock. Asgore was not doing better, even as he claimed to be. She could see that too, even with this dumb eye all messed up and swollen, nearly popping out of its socket. So, she hasn't seen him all week.

 

It's too hard to hide a problem like pop eye, and especially the implications of pop eye for the residents of the Waterfall. Fortunately, not all of them were fish monsters, they didn't all go swimming in the waters but they all certainly went through the dump once in awhile and could see the water flowing murkier. Between the filth building up from the city up to the Waterfall, and the city's overflow of population spilling out into the cave-like setting and luminescent marshes, The Underground was more and more becoming an unhealthy place to live.

 

All of these factors culminated into this damned eye swelling up. The worst part was, she didn't know if this was a contagious infection or not. She's been avoiding the waters for that same reason, not quite able to bring herself to go anywhere near water where she might shed something that would infect more people. And truthfully, all of this restriction was infuriating! She was surrounded by water, and her favorite mode of travel through the place was off limits. She had to do something about this, and really couldn't wait any longer.

 

Getting some towels, filling a bowl of regular water that she'd probably figure out a way to set fire to later just to keep it from seeping through the Underground with the infection, a fistful of gauze from the medical supplies she keeps for training injuries, and some tape, she looked in the mirror one last time. The normally bright yellow eye was clouded over, the slitted pupil could barely be found even through her good eye. Even worse, she'd been leaking fluid almost like tears from the eye but the streams of red was almost certainly infected magic. Accompanying that was green-yellow mucus that crusted and itched around her eye-socket, threatening to catch her unaware with the urge to rub and then it could progress to even clawing her eye out as the deep itching pain led deeper into her skull. She wouldn't be the first.

 

Her entire socket space wasn't just swollen, it was jutting out of her face disproportionately. It really was no wonder why she couldn't close that eye, and no wonder that Napstablook had truly been frightened into temporarily ceasing his crying, only to burst like a dam seconds later and disappear.

 

She summoned a spear projectile, and used the mirror to angle the tip of it to her clouded runny eyeball. No matter how she looked at it though, she felt like it just wasn't quite right. Not with the sudden death of her depth perception. She could feel her frustration bubbling forth, and snarled, “NGAHHH JUST GET IT OVER WITH!”

 

With a rush of determination coursing through her in response to her battle cry, she seized the end of her spear and drove the tip solidly into her pupil and felt something burst through the remains of her optic nerve.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the warning at the beginning of this drabble, I don't know how well I wrote this. So I'd like some feedback on what I can improve on! It's important for other things. Thank you very much, and I'll update again soon I think!  
> Update: I forgot to credit properly! Cardboardhydrates linked me to the idea on tumblr, so here's the link to the post for anyone curious, and especially if you want to thank them for planting the idea!  
> http://cardboardhydrates.tumblr.com/post/157465491774/apparently-having-a-paper-i-need-to-write-is-the


	4. Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did it feel like there was something that they were forgetting?  
> ~~Rebornfell AU~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Happy Birthday gift to ColbyPuppy!! Please wish them a Happy Birthday here! X3  
> https://colbypuppythebaker.tumblr.com/

“I'M NOT SURE WHY, BUT EVEN THEN, YOU SEEMED FAMILIAR TO ME.” He admitted, more than once. Well, it seemed to Sans like it was an obsession more than anything else. It was something he kept muttering to himself, like he was searching his soul for the missing pieces of a puzzle.

 

“weren't you manipulating me to stay alive before my death?” Sans huffed, only to be cuffed halfheartedly in return.

 

“WELL OF COURSE! BUT... IT'S NOT LIKE I'D BEEN WATCHING YOU SINCE FOREVER. THEREFORE, I CAN'T BE SURE IF YOU REALLY AREN'T FAMILIAR TO ME AFTER ALL...” Papyrus responded, his words trailing off as he focused hard on the thought again. Sans could tell that it slipped from him by the way he shook his head. “PERHAPS IT IS MERELY A WHIM OF DESTINY.”

 

Sans himself wasn't sure either, also bothered by an itching at the back of his skull so palpable he'd made the mistake of actually reaching up to scratch more than once before realizing it was all in his head and lowering his hand. In moments like this, his feathered wings would flutter with his discontent in the moment, the idea he might have known who Papyrus was before occurring to him as well. It occurred in different moments than for Papyrus, almost like an invisible moth was beating itself against Papyrus only to tire of the futility of its effort to pester Sans, then forgetting what it had done and returning to Papyrus all over again.

 

This made for long moments of silence during their time spent together, Sans kept by Papyrus's side at nearly all times, the demon not trusting him to go anywhere without him there. As it turned out, that particular impulse was correct, but too little too late as they were ambushed.

 

~

 

Papyrus could have sworn there was something so _familiar_ by the way everything faded around Sans's panicked face.

 

Huh. How strange. He could almost...

 

…

 

…...

 

…......

 

?

 

Disoriented from his time unconscious, Papyrus spared a few precious moments to press a hand to his horns, feeling sharp fragments of bone and sticky blood some off. Someone powerful enough to transfer the force through his horns and resonate through his skull did this. But wait, why was time so urgently needed? On the first guess, he uttered, “SANS.”

 

No response.

 

His mind was clearing now, and with it his rage steadily built to a screaming staccato. “HOW FUCKING _DARE_ THEY.” He bit down on his own teeth with a 'CLK!' that reported unnaturally loud. He could feel his boiling rage soon began simmering into something cold, lethal. No one is allowed to leave him alive if they ever hoped to take anything from him, ever.

 

His magic swirled with seething hatred as he stalked off.

 

~

 

Sans couldn't feel his hands, or his feet. It might've been a moot point anyway, given that he's already died once, but being strung upside down on a crucifix was pretty far from his idea of fun. Actually, given an opportunity for something he might call fun, it'd probably be anywhere from here that had a couch, and a bottle of mustard. He's not sure why that urge of all things stayed with him since his death, but it sounded pretty dang good right now compared to the slathering demons hanging over him. Ropes of drool was dripping onto his jacket and plain t-shirt.

 

“hey so, i know look pretty good marinating in slobber like this fellas, but really you gotta understand that i make for a pretty piss poor bare bones meal, don't you think?” Sans attempted to bargain, but the one of the demons pressed a curling digit to his mouth. The demon's small glittering eyes from deep within layers of flesh overlapping their eyesockets conveyed nothing that he was familiar with from Papyrus, no not even Monty that he'd dusted moments before his snakes could devour him one snake at a time.

 

Sans attempted to get magic circulating through his body, enough of it so that he could blast these guys beyond the afterlife and get out, terror suddenly coursing through his mind in infectious waves.

 

The demon, chuckled low and leaned in, his magic feeling like it was going to burst at the seams from the uncontrolled waves of terror that coalesced at the sight of the demon's trifurcated tongue flicking out to collect a strange pearly substance that began seeping from his pores. Sans froze like that, chest heaving in paralytic distress.

 

The other demons pressed closer to feed from his hands, one particularly positioning itself over Sans to work its way from the feet down, before a bright crimson blast propelled it back with a startled cry. It was still crumbling into dust when the low whirring sound become apparent, all the demons looking sharply from their meal to the source of their danger. The low figure was cast in light from both sides, the sideways slits of the eyes' pupils, curling clawed wings, and sharply arcing horns of these blasters differentiating them from Sans's own magic. The bloody light made his appearance unmistakable even with the blood and half of one of his horns shattered into pieces, but there was something danced wildly in Papyrus's eyes as he shrieked,

 

“DON'T TOUCH MY BROTHER!”

 

Hysterical, Sans first thought, and then he realized that was indeed the best way to describe the way his magic was writhing beyond his pores. It was hysteria that drew his magic out from inside him, causing him to weaken his hold on his physicality and his magic to condense like his bones had already been cracked open. It was working on Papyrus too, who was blasting the other demons with no other intent but total elimination with blasters damn near _identical_ to his own. The skull disassociated into shards, nearly reformed with a hazy static, and then dissipated as Papyrus trembled in place with some sort of nightmare flashing before his eyes. He raised one shaking hand to his scarred eye and croaked hoarsely,

 

“LEAVE HIM ALONE...”

 

The demons advanced slowly, their magic infecting the air around the opposing demon, his bones rattling with increasing intensity.

 

Even in his panic, seeing the other demon's magic working on Papyrus, Sans grasped onto a much different feeling that didn't manifest from their enemy's influence. That feeling spiraled into something new, and when the corresponding cannon blaster formed it had grown much larger, the fangs elongated, red eyes forming multiple clusters that flashed golden before spinning out into their flowing red rows again. The wings multiplied into a full feathering spiral around themselves like a halo. Sans's gaze was focused on the demon closest to Papyrus, its long twisted fingers reaching out to dig into Papyrus's broken horn.

 

 **D o n ' t**.

 

Sans didn't hear the blast, the high intensity frequency much too high to register, but felt the vibration of the blindingly pure snowy magic forcing apart the bottom jaw into several arrows shooting out with sniper's precision- and then it wasn't present at all. Darkness fell for moments, the demons unnaturally still.

 

Fwshhhhhhh.

 

The sound of sand rippling started from the hole the blaster punched through the demon, but it soon collapsed inward. The atmosphere was almost peaceful as the other demons followed suit, darkness whisping out and ordinary darkness taking its place once more. Sans could see it was almost all that Papyrus could do not to fall on his knees right there, and stumbled forward to untie him from St. Peter's crucifix. Sans would've felt exhausted as well, if it wasn't for something growing in his mind and fitting in place as if it had always belonged there, and yes it had.

 

“bro- boss, you're-” Sans tried to say as he was slipping from the binds, his head hitting Papyrus's lap since his arms wasn't cooperating long enough to support him mid-fall.

 

“NOT RIGHT NOW SANS.” Papyrus sounded exhausted. “LET'S GO HOME.”

 

During their slow progress back to his home, Sans wondered if he was even aware of the blasters he'd summoned. A matter for another time, perhaps.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was digging around through what was available of the the Rebornfell AU art, and ended up reading that Papyrus likely had Gaster Blasters, but he wasn't aware of them himself, so it turned into this high stress situation to bring out his magic to its limits! 
> 
> And Sans's blaster evolved. That wasn't quite intended, but it felt right. X)


	5. Genocidal Tendencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is horribly wrong with the Fallen Child in all of the Universes. One AU catches on and sets out to forewarn the others. UF!Papyrus/UT!Papyrus  
> (Aka the drabble that threatens to have a sequel)

Papyrus's soul was pounding behind his ribcage, questions racing through his mind into overdrive as he sees the human slowly appear beneath the flurry of soft stinging ice that marked the path out of Snowdin. He could tell the human could see him too, and closing his eyes briefly to take a therapeutic breath of the frosted air, he launched into the speech he'd prepared. It was nowhere near as grand as he'd hoped. He was flustered with each crunching step of the human advancing, who was still covered in some mysterious chalky substance, something that should've been gone by the time they'd crossed town but remained in a fixed abundance. By the time they engaged in battle, he'd only managed to give the human his most confidant smile, and engaged the 'SPARE' mechanic on his end of the field.

After all, maybe all the human needed was a little faith. Investing everything into this one bet, he opened his arms out to prepare to embrace the expressionless child.

“WATCH OUT, YOU IDIOT!” 

Papyrus was yanked abruptly back before the knife swipe could bury itself into his neck. Yelping in surprise, he slipped on his heels only for his back to hit someone's shoulder. The human didn't seem to visibly react, shuffling back to survey the situation coldly. Papyrus could still see the fine powder that dulled the vibrant color of their blue striped shirt even through the frost and snowflakes that swept around them, and the intense realization struck that he would have died a few moments ago nearly made his knees wobble. Not that someone like the Great Papyrus could ever be so afraid that his bones would rattle of course! And yet... the human remained as they were, unnaturally still.

Both lifeless and joyless all at once. He'd failed to bring light to that awful blankness in the human's eyes.

He looked behind him to his savior, seeing a pair of alarmingly red eyes- magic swirling with intense amounts of LOVE! He nearly jerked free of their grasp when he realized that those eyes weren't just anyone's eyes, but how did The Great Papyrus clone HIMSELF just to get behind himself and yank him back at the defining moment of his near-demise?! Was Sans playing some sort of space-time prank again?

While he was busy gawking at himself, another monster pulled him over to face them. His brother stood before him- no wait, another LOVE entrenched clone of his brother- and started pulling his scarf this way and that way to pull it out of the way and examine the damage around his neck. His thumb came off slightly powdery, and just underneath that a smear of marrow. “just in the 'nick' of time, bro.”

“WITH ALL OF YOUR AWFUL PUNNING WITH ASHTRAY AND HIS STUPIDLY SLOW MACHINE, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO FIND MY DUST.” The Great Papyrus? growled. His fiery eyelights bore into his sockets intensely. “LISTEN TO ME, ME! YOU CAN'T SHOW MERCY TO THE HUMAN REGARDLESS OF HOW FRIENDLY THEY SEEM. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM.”

“boss, now isn't the time for explanations. But from what I've gathered from his LOVE, he isn't going to like this next part.” The red Sans warned. “get him out of here.”

“YOU'RE RIGHT FOR ONCE, SANS. YOU WILL COME BACK ALIVE, AM I CLEAR BROTHER?” His clone ordered. He was clad from head to toe in armor that reminded him of Undyne but darker like it'd been blasted in a furnace with ashes. He could see chainmail hugging protectively around his spine, deep gouges digging around his socket, yet the magic of his eyelight untouched by the scarring. His scarf hung around his neck, ragged and torn into pieces at places, and yet he could see evidence of numerous last-ditch repairs to keep it intact. 

Papyrus's own scarf slipped from around his neck when this other version of himself reached for him, and almost apologetically pressed it around his sockets, blinding him completely to the frost encrusted river and trees. His clone then held him by the shoulders, and pushed him forward. “I WOULD USE MY OWN SCARF FOR THIS, BUT IT'S TATTERED AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT COMES NEXT.”

“WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO-” Papyrus felt himself suddenly yanked to the side even as he heard a high-pitched 'bing!' and the low humming frequency that sounded off in a mechanical roar. It was followed by such an intensely complex show of magic that he could feel the air around him whip and twist with each booming blast. In fact, the wind generated by the attacks was getting so powerful that it altered his stumbling path past the battle.

“TCH! LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING-” A sudden rush of magic warmed the air around him, and he could feel the ground shake as a grating sound like crunching chalk registered. At the tail end of the attack, something unexpectedly warm splashed his face. He was pulled closer to his clone's chest as his own voice yelled harshly, “SANS! HERD THEM AWAY FROM HERE, NOT TOWARDS US!”

“sorry boss,” a low startled cry, the first sound that didn't come from either of the 'clones'. He tried to swing to the source of the shriek but he was held firmly in place by both his wrists. He could feel himself being pushed back again.

“DON'T,” a gruff voice sounded lowly. “YOU WILL SEE YOUR BROTHER AGAIN IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.”

“BUT THE HUMAN-”

“DESERVES ANYTHING MY BROTHER THROWS AT HIM.” Completely at the mercy of his strange counterpart, he was pushed and pulled one way or another as the sounds of battle rang out near them. Papyrus gave a low whimper, jerking at the grip that restrained his hands and he was suddenly pulled into a strait-jacket hug. His soul was pounding in his chest from the close proximity, and his arms wrapped ineffectively around his own chest, and he dug his heels in as a last ditch attempt not to be taken from the scene. Frustration was evidence in his counterpart's voice when he growled, “YOU LISTEN TO ME, AND LISTEN WELL...”

“FLUFFY BUNNY HOPPED DOWN THE DUSTY PATH INTO THE GREEN FOREST...” his clone whispered, almost too low to really hear. “THEY CAME FROM THE FARMER'S LETTUCE PATCH TO MEET UP WITH THEIR GROUP OF FRIENDS...”

Papyrus stopped struggling, not expecting the recital of his favorite bedtime story from the ruby eyes that advertised violence and a soldier's long piercing gaze. His clone continued murmuring the story's lines, squeezing the restraining hug once gently before allowing his grip to fall loose. Occasionally he would be pushed into another direction, and waves of his double's magic would radiate from the opposite direction. Soon they were walking again, the sounds of battle fading to a dull roar. 

“papyrus?!” his brother -and truly, the smoother voice of his own brother and not the low gruffness of his brother's clone- sounded in surprise. With the grip on his arms falling away, Papyrus was allowed to pull down his scarf from its position as a makeshift blindfold and look around. 

“SANS, THE HUMAN-” he tried to say.

His clone interrupted, “-IS TAKEN CARE OF. BUT THERE ARE OTHER UNIVERSE'S THAT NEED TO BE FOREWARNED IF NOT RESCUED FROM THEIR WEAKNESS. THE HUMAN IN ALL OF THE TIMELINES HAVE BEEN COMMITTING GENOCIDE, AND WE DON'T KNOW WHY. IT'S REASONABLE TO ASSUME YOU HAVE A MACHINE IN THE BACK OF THE HOUSE, CORRECT?”

“...” Sans closed his eyes and almost seemed to sigh to himself. “...yes.”

“THEN ASCERTAIN YOUR BROTHER'S SAFETY AND LET'S GET GOING.” Papyrus was released completely, and they all stood there for a second, as Sans slowly advanced forward.

“papyrus you've got blood on your face.” he remarked softly. Papyrus reached up shakily to touch his face, the stickiness of liquid that'd been cooling on his face coming off a deep red. He froze in place to look at it, and register the viscosity and intensity of the blood. Sans approached and used his shirt to wipe it away, his spine and the floating ribs showing as he leaned up to soak up the human's blood, and then there was the startling crack of displaced air. Sans zipped up his hoodie so that the bright red disappeared completely and turned to measure up the new presence.

“boss, the human is heavily injured, but they ran away.” His brother's clone reported, apparently unscathed but panting and sweating profusely. “i think they're heading straight into undyne's patrol.”

“WHAT!!! SANS!!!” His double shrieked indignantly. “DON'T JUST STAND THERE TELLING US ABOUT IT THEN, GO AFTER THEM!”

“NO!” Papyrus shouted over them both, and everyone turned to him. “UNDYNE'S MY FRIEND, AND I-IF THE HUMAN IS KILLING EVERYONE, THEN... I HAVE TO HELP HER!”

A look passed through the two Sans's that Papyrus didn't like.

“papyrus, maybe you shouldn-” Sans said and was promptly interrupted.

“NOT ALONE, YOU DON'T.” His clone ordered. “I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS WILL GO AND FINISH OFF THIS DASTARDLY HUMAN. SANS, AND SANS- YOU GET THE MACHINE FIXED ASAP!”

With a real and impossible confidence that Papyrus never saw in himself before, the other smoothly dispatched orders and turned to get things done. He stared in awe for a few moments, before the other him turned impatiently. “WELL? ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE YOUR FRIEND OR NOT?”

“Y-YES!!!” He hurried ahead of himself, with no time to spare. He was supposed to meet Undyne, so she was already in danger! Ruby eyes followed him, slightly narrowed with concern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was considering making this a full oneshot, but I'm not sure how to proceed just yet. The idea has a lot to work on though, so I figured it could be running drabble piece with multiple parts instead.


	6. Babybones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans is suddenly little again, leaving Papyrus in charge of being the big brother!

When put unexpectedly in charge of his brother in whole new ways, Papyrus became increasingly aware of just how child-unfriendly the house was. Sans had never been a tall guy, but now that his big brother was- well for lack of a better way to put it- his LITTLE brother, he was his REALLY little brother. His own clothes engulfed him like giant cloth bags, except bags would be much better at containing the things inside them! Papyrus had no doubts that if he grabbed his brother by his shirt the poor little guy would just slip out of it. His feet no longer touched the ground when he sat on the jangling couch either, his socks threatening to slip off and puddle against the floor.

 

Additionally, the kitchen had been remodeled to contain much more bones underneath the sink, but to remain hopelessly out of reach of babybones. He was going to have to make sure that his brother got three square meals a day and drink at least a couple of glasses of milk if he had any hopes of his brother get bigger again! Papyrus put some milk on the burner to simmer and ran upstairs to his brother's room. Much like Sans's clothes, his room remained unchanged. The trash tornado spun in the corner of the room, the bare mattress had a single balled up set of sheets, the treadmill that he never uses for anything but practical space-time pranks in the corner of the room, and a lamp that never worked. The pile of socks in the corner started to smell pretty bad, and his regret for not insisting on cleaning this room sooner grew. He mentally marked the room unfit for habitation and turned on his heels to go to his own room. Naturally, his sheets were always kept neat and clean, so he pulled the comforter off his bed and slid down the rail to do his normal cartwheel through the air. Totally stuck the landing in front of his bro, like the cool guy he is!

 

On Sans's part, he didn't just grin and say, “so cool, bro.” Papyrus was disappointed by the abnormal silence, until he saw his brother's eyes. Sans's eyelights had blown up into fuzzy white stars, gawking in pure admiration. Oh no! His brother's adoring gaze is super effective!!!

 

Papyrus wobbled in place, slowly leaning over and then hugging him tightly. “SO CUTE..!”

 

“p-papyrus, i smell something funny...” His brother murmured back to him. Papyrus jolted up in realization that, yes, there is a strange smell. The milk on the oven! He raced over to find that it had long passed simmering and was well on its way to burning. About 30 minutes later, and a new pan of milk simmered, Papyrus was back with a couple of only semi-messy mugs of milk and sat beside his brother.

 

“HERE SANS! IT'S HOT, BE CAREFUL!” He warned him as he handed the mug over to Sans.

 

He blew away the steam from the mug, watched it come wafting back up, and blew it away again. After a point, Sans looked up with a small smile on his face, “t-thank you, big brother!”

 

Papyrus clasped as his chest dramatically as he felt his soul skip a beat, and Sans sipped at the milk, unaware of the effect he had on him. I-is this what it's like for Sans?! Or was this feeling saved solely for someone who's been the younger brother their whole lives?!! “B-BIG BROTHER... Y-YEP T-THAT'S THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

 

Quick, what else did babybones need?! Maybe this was an opportunity to share some of his interests like puzzle making! It was still very cold outside though, almost too much even for a skeleton monster. Papyrus thought hard, and decided that it'd probably be okay as long as he bundled him up really well. He knelt down next to Sans and asked him, “HEY SANS, DO YOU FEEL UP TO VISITING THE LIBRARBY?”

 

Sans looked up at him hesitantly, and then nodded. Papyrus examined the small skeleton, and decided the best route to go was to layer clothes until he somewhat filled his jacket again, and went up to his room- ah rats! Most of it was dirty! Sans sipped away at the milk as he watched his big brother gather up armfuls of laundry and tossed them into the washer.

 

~

 

“LOOK SANS, I FOUND SNOWFLAKE!” Papyrus declared over the Librarby's newsletter Junior Jumble. He'd gotten so caught up in his expert examination of the puzzle, that he nearly forgot to keep an eye on Sans. When Sans hadn't responded, he'd snapped out of his concentrated mode and looked around in a panic. “SANS?!”

 

The girls in the librarby giggled at his momentary terror and pointed in the corner, “He's over there Papyrus.”

 

The rhino monster added, “We wouldn't let him just disappear on you like that anyways.”

 

Papyrus kept his reservations to himself, considering Sans's tendency to use shortcuts, but he looked to the corner anyways. Sans was chewing on his thumb thoughfully as he paged through a huge book. It looked like one of the outdated science textbooks that fell into the dump. The book looked staggeringly heavy, and Papyrus didn't have any doubts from the blank space way up high that Sans probably had to use gravity magic to get it down without a startling thump.

 

The way Sans looked lost in the scientific jargon of it, nodding along once, twice, then turning the page and starting through the next page at a steady pace made Papyrus think that maybe his brother wasn't completely lost after all, but perhaps just dormant under whatever magic trick gave him amnesia and apparently much younger. He smiled softly at his brother, sighing a little to himself. In that case, he'd do better to encourage Sans in his interests, right? That's what Sans always did for him anyways. Sitting next to his small brother, Papyrus leaned in close to read over what it was about only to realize:

 

“I CAN'T READ A WORD OF THIS.”

 

Hearing the dismay in his voice, Sans looked up worriedly, “big brother..?”

 

Papyrus immediately flailed, “N-NO IT'S FINE SANS! IT JUST MAKES WHAT YOU'RE DOING THAT MUCH MORE AMAZING!”

 

“really?” he looked down, sniffling. “thank you, big brother!”

 

“JUST BRO! REALLY! YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SO FORMAL WITH ME SANS,” Papyrus lifted his face and used his scarf to wipe away the tears that unexpectedly pooled in Sans's eyes. “OR CRY AT A COMPLIMENT EITHER! NO MATTER HOW UNEXPECTEDLY GENUINE IT IS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT AS FACT, THE SAME AS THE WORDS IN THIS BOOK!”

 

Sans merely hugged him tightly, the heavy book slipping off his little lap with a thump.

 

~

 

All clothes cleaned and dried, Sans had overly large pajamas on, his boxers needing to be tied to his waist with some shoelace and his baggy tank top swamping his figure. Papyrus took one more look at his bedroom, and determined that it was STILL unfit for habitation, even after he got the pile of socks cleaned up. Especially with the trash tornado still there, the annoying dog being the latest victim caught up in the mess spinning round and round, Papyrus didn't want to wake up to find his brother got sucked in too.

 

Which left his bed, of course. Papyrus was careful to tuck Sans in first, before climbing in. His now little brother hardly had to budge to make room for him. Papyrus sat there for a solid minute trying to decide what felt out of place when he realized that the bedtime stories were still on his shelf, as well as the lights still being on.

 

“OH WAIT!!! NOW THAT I'M THE BIG BROTHER, IT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY TO READ TO YOU...” He read through the book titles trying to decide which book was best for the night. He wasn't sure what was the best pick, but he felt the brush of blankets against his leg as Sans still covered in their blankets, leaned on tiptoe to reach for a book on one of the lower shelves. The Fluffy Bunny book glowed briefly with gravity magic before falling forward into Sans's waiting hand.

 

“i want to read to you, big brother.” He explained, and Papyrus could've sworn he was going to die of cuteness overload as Sans stumbled over the blanket and nearly tripped into their bed. They fell asleep with Sans's face buried in his sternum and Papyrus petting his skull slowly, drifting off with thoughts of what it meant for Sans to tear up so easily at a single sincere compliment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was in part inspired by raza-rays, after both Docanjing and Pancake had requested fanfic of pure big bro Papyrus fluffiness. I've got a couple of other things I gotta work on, so this can't be a full fic but I figured this was a good start!  
> http://raza-rays.tumblr.com/post/153038444264/some-random-doodles-in-which-sans-somehow-turned


	7. Edge Applies for a Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Join us, in Edge's search for the ideal job.

Taken aback by the skeleton monster sitting in front of them, the interviewer looked to the questionnaire sheet, and then to the black costume armor that the monster was wearing. There was an assortment of strange goop dripping down the side of -they check the application to confirm that yes, the monster identified as male- down the side of his head. Some of it looked oddly glittery like he'd used a girl's body butter skin product, some of it looked like he'd splashed a pot of marinara sauce over his head and missed a few spots, and the interviewer didn't really know what the rest of the goo was. The smell reminded of them when they took their labrador to the park with a duck pond and the dog came out of the water with its fur shaggy and streaming rivulets of pond water to the ground. They could only hope that the skeleton doesn't do what their dog did that day, and shake it all over the place.

 

“Okay Mr... Papyrus... excuse me, is there a last name?” They ask, completely flabbergasted by the structure of the resume. Some places were left completely blank whereas other spots were not only filled with long rambling details, but had extra pages stapled to the underside of the page that was meant to be continued. The cover page was about 5 pages by itself, one of which was a self-portrait of the skeleton with thunderclouds looming over him as he sat in a throne reminiscent of popular TV show cover art. Meanwhile, the last page was almost completely glued to the page in front of it, multiple sauce 'samples' plastered to the singed paper.

 

“THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS IS IN NO NEED OF LAST NAMES! I MEAN, MY NAME IS CONVOLUTED ENOUGH FOR MINIONS AS IT IS! JUST LAST NIGHT MY OWN BROTHER CALLED ME 'BRO'! BRO!!! MY OWN BROTHER CALLED ME 'BRO'!!! AND MY INTERDIMENSIONAL COUNTERPARTS WON'T CALL ME ANYTHING BUT 'EDGEY'! SCANDALOUS!!! CLEARLY, WE NEED TO WORK ON 'THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE' PART FIRST BEFORE GETTING INTO INVENTING A SUITABLE LAST NAME.”

 

That was... hm. Not what they were expecting to hear today. “I'm just going to put down Snowdin for ease of the process since that's your stated residence here... which, I'm not really sure where Snowdin is- no no no no, we'll get to that at another point. So tell me, what makes you think you're more qualified than anyone else who's applied for this position.”

 

“WELL, I CAN TEAR OUT THE STILL BEATING HEARTS OF OUR ENEMIES IN DEFENSE OF THIS ESTEEMED ESTABLISHMENT- OR GRIND THEIR SOULS INTO DUST, AND SERVE IT TO THEIR FAMILIES AS A WARNING. AS YOU CAN SEE ON MY RESUME, I AM A VERY ACCOMPLISHED AND PRESTIGIOUS MEMBER OF THE FORMER ROYAL GUARD, THE RIGHT HAND SKELEMAN OF CAPTAIN UNDYNE.” The skeleton puffed out his chest, bones rattling ever so slightly as thumped it and crowed about his capabilities, his scarf fluttering in the wind. The interviewer checked to see if a window was open- it wasn't.

 

They held up a hand as if to say something, and then slowly lowered it. “I don't have a response to that.”

 

“THEN I TRULY STAND OUT! EXCELLENT, THOUGH I KNEW I WOULD. JUST BE CERTAIN TO MAKE A NOTE HERE AND HERE...” Edge loomed over them to point at the blank spaces on his resume. “I'M SURE YOU WON'T WANT TO FORGET MY BEST QUALITIES WHEN YOU'RE CONSIDERING ME FOR HIRE LATER!”

 

They scribbled a few notes down, sweating as a little bit of the sparkily goop came perilously close to dripping down on the resume form. “Okay, so where do you see yourself in 5 years, Mr. Edge.”

 

He stomped his foot, and waved his arms in a tantrum, forcing the interviewer to duck. “ARGH NOW YOU TOO?! THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE LAST NAMES!!!”  
  


“J-just answer the question, please sir.”

 

Sitting back down, he rattled off as if he'd rehearsed this answer a thousand times before, “I SEE MYSELF KILLING THE CEO OF THIS CORPORATION N HONORABLE HAND TO HAND COMBAT, AND RULING THE ESTABLISHMENT WITH AN IRON FIST AND YET WITH HORRENDOUSLY FAIR PRICES AND CUSTOMER POLICIES.”

 

If there were crickets in the restaurant, they would be heard chirping about now.

 

At this point, the interviewer leans forward on their desk, perplexed beyond being able to keep a pokerface. “Excuse me, I feel the need to ask sir- you ARE aware that this is the assistant chef position for a sit down pizza restaurant, correct? There's no upward mobility from that position, other than head chef, and we certainly don't promote based on...”

 

They coughed slightly, more and more uncomfortable with the skeleton's eyelights trained on them. “... well, frankly, this isn't House of Cards. We don't promote based on who killed the president, or head chef as it would be in this case.”

 

“OH.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Silence reigned. The interviewer began doodling on the questionnaire form.

 

“WELL IN THAT CASE, CAN I GET AN APPLICATION FOR THE POSITION ALLOWS FOR ME TO CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER TO ATTAIN MY GOAL OF CORPORATION CONQUEST, AND YET WILL GET ME HOME BY 9 PM? I HAVE TO MAKE SURE MY BROTHERS HAVE EATEN A FILLING AND NUTRITIOUS DINNER BEFORE THEY GO TO BED.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” They leaned over to hand the application to him, privately thinking they don't get paid enough to deal with weirdos like this guy. “I gotta say though, it sounds less like you're looking for a food industry or a corporate job and more like something in security.”

 

“A SECURITY JOB YOU SAY?” Edge rubbed his mandible thoughtfully.

 

“Yeah, I mean, you don't normally need to tear out the hearts of your enemies but it's not like you can't at some point. Probably.” The interviewer watches the skeleton's face contort, as he began laughing like a villain from a movie.

 

“NYEH HEH HEH!!! I WILL GRACE THIS 'SECURITY JOB' AS YOU SAY, WITH MY PRESENCE AND THEN COME BACK FOR THE HEAD OF YOUR CEO! BE PREPARED TO BOW UNDER THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE RULE OF PAPYRUS!”

 

“Godspeed.” They gave him a casual salute and watched the skeleton tear out of their office like a bat out of hell, and sighed. “Lucy goose in a noose, I did not sign up for this madness when I got out of bed this morning.”

 

The interviewer's phone went off, blaring 'Gangnam Style'. “Hey, what's up?”

 

“So, I just interviewed the strangest skeleton monster this morning...” their friend from across town started saying.

 

“Oh yeah, that guy. We did too, who keeps scheduling interviews with this guy?”

 

“I know, right?! I mean, I nearly asked him point blank if someone put him up to this, as some sort of weird prank.” Their friend complained. “This is a steakhouse, not a slaughterhouse. No one NEEDS a guy to go out and kill the cow fresh from the field.”

 

“Okay, at least THAT makes sense in this round about way. Get this, he wants to kill his way up the corporate promotion chain into CEO just to run a pizza joint.” They paused.

 

The friend, sensing more, prompted- “And..?”

 

“I mean, I could have lied and told him the corporate didn't have any positions. But I don't get paid well enough for that, so...” they shrugged. “... I mean, is it strange that I kinda hope he does it?”

 

“It would be stranger if you didn't.” Their friend on the other line sighed. “Welp, lunch break's over. Talk to ya later.”

 

“Later.” The interviewer hung up, and gathered the interview papers together, idly wondering what kind of job would hire a monster as crazy as Edge. Probably a high security prison or something like that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That third mysterious concoction Edge applied behind his not-ears was dog residue, by the way. 
> 
> This will have a continuation. And by a continuation, I mean there's going to be at least 3 parts because I keep getting ideas that are egged on by friends as I keep job searching. Included will probably be hilarious answers to interview questions as well as "What would happen if someone dared hire him for X position".  
> *sits back like Jigsaw* Let the games begin.


	8. Ragequit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge and Papyrus plays a scary game while Blue and Sans watches.

“MWEH HEH HEH! WELCOME EVERYONE!!!” Blue 'whispered' to the camera rolling, the lens turned to him. He was on his elbows and stomach, crouched close to the ground from upstairs. He put a finger to his mouth, starry eyes glowing mischievously, as he gestured to the living room downstairs in front of him. The camera turned to look at the tall twin skeletons setting up a game. “SO EVERY TIME EDGE PLAYS A GAME, WE USUALLY END UP REPLACING THE CONTROLLER AFTER. TODAY, PAPYRUS IS PLAYING WITH HIM TO KEEP HIM FROM DESTROYING THE LATEST CONTROLLER, WITH SANS SUPERVISING. LET’S WATCH!.”

 

The camera's view suddenly shifts, first passing the posts that made up the upstairs railing, then slowly traveling down the stairs. In the meantime, Edge complained, “THERE'S NO WAY THE CHARACTER IS GOING TO STAY ALIVE WITH YOU HOLDING HALF THE CONTROLLER.”

 

The camera settled behind them, the skeletons seemingly unaware of its presence. Off in the kitchen, Sans was working on making something to eat.

 

“EDGE, IT'S FOR THE CONTROLLER'S OWN GOOD! OTHERWISE YOU'RE GOING TO THROW THE CONTROLLER AT THE TV AGAIN.” Papyrus reasoned. He held the half of the controller that had the buttons, while Edge tugged irritably at the left hand hold with the joystick. They were both sitting at the couch as the game whirs to life, ominous music booming out of the speakers. Unease written clearly over Papyrus's features, he asked, “ERR... WHAT KIND OF GAME ARE WE PLAYING?”

 

“HORROR.” Edge gritted out between his teeth. The game starts, a first person perspective of the darkened white barked woods that Edge begins directing them through. Each step the character takes crunched, and crickets sounded off every now and again. Papyrus's shoulders that were previously raised tensely began to relax and slope down.

 

“OH. THIS ACTUALLY SEEMS KIND OF NICE. JUST A QUIET WALK IN THE WOODS, IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING AFTER US YET ANYWAYS.” They came across some sort of landmark with a luminescent paper posted to it, clearly marked out as a collectible item. “WHAT DOES IT SAY?”

 

“DON'T LOOK OR IT TAKES YOU.” Edge read out loud. “HOW THE FUCK WOULD IT DO THAT?”

 

“THAT'S... WAIT, WHERE WOULD IT TAKE US?” Papyrus asked, paying more attention to the note than using the controls to acquire the item.

 

Edge's very thin patience snapped, “TAKE THE GODDAMN NOTE!!”

 

As they took the note, a steady drum beat began, and Papyrus barely managing to ignore it in order to comment, “MAYBE WE'D GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK! OR THE BEACH?! ALPHYS AND UNDYNE WOULD ENJOY THE BEACH ACTUALLY, WE SHOULD CALL THEM UP AND ASK THEM TO COME WITH BEFORE IT TAKES US THERE.”

 

“WHAT, FUCK NO!” Edge protested, scuffing Papyrus with annoyance. “CLEARLY IT MEANS TO 'TAKE' US! WHY ELSE WOULD YOU STALK SOMEONE IN DARKENED WOODS?!”

 

“I UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF 'TO TAKE', EDGE, BUT WHERE IS IT TAKING US?!” he responded with typical ‘Papyrus’ fashion, unintentionally riled up Edge.

 

“CLEARLY YOU DON'T!-” Edge snapped, only for the game monster to appear with a loud ‘boom!’ of sound, the static taking over the screen as the character was killed. “DAMMIT PAPYRUS!!! THIS IS VERY DECIDEDLY UNGREAT! NOW WE HAVE TO START ALL OVER!!”

 

The game started from the beginning, and they began wandering through the woods again. Papyrus pointed out, “OH, LOOK THERE'S A BUILDING UP AHEAD!”

 

They circled around it, checking it out for notes, only to see nothing on the outside of the building. Edge remarked, “THERE HAS TO BE A NOTE INSIDE SO... WHY ARE YOU RATTLING LIKE THAT?”

 

As they entered inside the building, Papyrus clung ever more and more closely to Edge, “H-HEY IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARIER IN HERE THAN OUT IN THE WOODS... NOT THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS GETS SCARED! B-BUT IT FEELS LIKE E-EVERY TIME WE MAKE A TURN, IT'LL BE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNERRR-NYEEE!!”

 

He ducked his head as Edge took a sharp turn around the hallway corner, amused even through his fury at his counterpart's trepidation, shrieked at him, “FUCKING PAY ATTENTION, THERE'S A NOTE RIGHT AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY ON THE CHAIR!”

 

“OH REALLY?” Papyrus looked up, and picked up the note, reading aloud. “HELP ME- IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE HERE? DO WE NEED TO SAVE SOMEONE?”

 

“FUCK NO, THERE'S ONLY US AND THE THING STALKING US! AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING WALK UP TO THE THING LIKE 'EXCUSE ME MR. THING, DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE TIED UP IN THE WOODS FOR US TO RESCUE?'!!” Edge reached an unnaturally high pitch for a mocking falsetto, as he gestured emphatically, placing his hand on his chest and addressed the unseen entity in the game. He deadpanned, “YEAH, THAT'LL GO WELL. HE'LL HAVE OUR ASSES ON A GODDAMN SILVER PLATTER! YOU MIGHT AS WELL TRY TURNING AROUND AND ASKING HIM OUT TO SPAGHETTI.”

 

“... I MEAN, YOU DON'T THINK THAT'LL WORK, DO YOU?” Papyrus suggested dubiously, and Edge stopped to bury his head in his hands and suck in huge gulp of air.

 

“ **_NO!!!!!!_ ** ”

 

The camera suddenly shifts at the blast of Edge's shriek, and Blue mouths an apology to the camera’s lens, while tapping on his skull near the dips in his skull. He’ll put in a headphone warning later. He turns the camera back to the action, where Edge and Papyrus was progressing painfully slowly through the building. Sans shuffled in to sit on the corner of the couch, eating a quiche and watching as Papyrus started clinging to the increasingly enraged skeleton with amusement.

 

“DO YOU REMEMBER SO MANY TURNS BEING INSIDE THIS BUILDING? BECAUSE I DON'T.” Edge grumbled, the screen getting twitchy as Papyrus jostled his hand and therefore the character's direction on the controller.

 

“LET'S TURN RIGHT HERE- NYEH! OH, IT'S JUST A CHAIR... MAYBE IT WAS WAITING FOR US TO GET LOST IN HERE SO THAT IT CAN BLOCK OFF OUR PROGRESS.” Papyrus whimpered, squeaking and all but scrabbling ever closer to Edge's lap.

 

Edge squawked with annoyed revelation- “OF COURSE IT WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! AND WE FELL RIGHT INTO THE TRAP! FUCKING HELL, HOW CAN WE BE SO- OH. THERE'S THE EXIT.”

 

The screen suddenly got heavy with static as the faceless enemy appeared next to the exit, and they both screamed at the same time, Papyrus migrating from being halfway on Edge's lap and straight to his shoulders like a cat climbing a tree. His legs thrown over Edge’s shoulders anchored him to his head, yet Papyrus still managed to maintain a steady hold on the controller, bent halfway over Edge's head and his scarf obscuring Edge's vision.

 

“PAPYRUS YOU IDIOT, GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY HEAD!!! WE CAN'T SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING!!” Edge shrieked, swatting at the scarf hanging down.

 

“AHHHH WHERE'S HIS FACE?!!” Papyrus wailed. “AND WHY DIDN’T I SEE IT LAST TIME WE DIED?!!”

 

“I DON'T KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU CLIMB DOWN AND ASK HIM?!” Edge gritted his teeth as the static finally drew away from the screen. They accidentally ran into a huge rock formation, another overbright note hanging in front of them. “AND PICK UP THE NEXT NOTE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!”

 

“OH.” Papyrus pressed the pick up button. “'CAN'T RUN'? EDGE, ARE YOU SURE WE CAN'T SAVE THIS OTHER PERSON? IT SEEMS LIKE AN UNFAIR FIGHT BETWEEN THEM AND THE THING IF THEY'RE DISABLED.”

 

“WHA- YOU CAN'T EVEN FACE THE THING RIGHT NOW! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN SAVE THIS OTHER THEORETICAL PERSON- WHICH DOESN'T EXIST BY THE WAY!? IT'S NOT IN OUR STATED OBJECTIVE TO SAVE THEM.” The static encroached their vision, as Papyrus spammed the 'run' mechanic. Sans started nodding off on the couch, unperturbed by the increasing volume from the duo.

 

“WELL, WHY'RE WE COLLECTING THE NOTES THEN?” Papyrus questioned, hanging his head hanging over Edge's face to look him in the eye as he asked. Edge pushed his mandible up so that he could see and Papyrus would start paying attention to what was happening on the game.

 

“IT'S OUR STATED OBJECTIVE, THAT'S WHY.”

 

Papyrus frowned suspiciously. “BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENS AFTER?”

 

“OH RIGHT, I DEFINITELY KNOW THAT. IT’S NOT LIKE I’M PLAYING THE GAME TO FIND OUT RIGHT NOW.” Edge snarked. “NOW PICK UP THIS NOTE AT THIS PICK UP TRUCK.”

 

They moved on, getting more and more desensitized to the ebb and flow of static threats, and collecting the notes. Papyrus almost seemed to calm down, if it weren't for his knees crossed tightly underneath Edge's mandible, who'd looked merely annoyed to have his head pushed so far up. As they approached a large tree to collect the last note, Edge let go of the controller to allow Papyrus to take control and bask in the glow of victory in the face of 'the thing'.

 

~8/8 Notes Collected~

 

On confirming the note count, the screen was suddenly subverted by static, the creature they'd been running from showing up with tentacles waving menacingly. The static volume increased as the monster leaned in expressionlessly, and Papyrus threw the controller at it, vaulting backwards with a startled scream and falling into Blue.

 

The camera tumbled off the couch to face the peacefully sleeping Sans. Somewhere in the background, Edge shouted “YOU THREW THE GODDAMN CONTROLLER! YOU THREW THE CONTROLLER AT THE TV, YOU ABSOLUTE LUNATIC! NOW THE TV'S ON FIRE, AND!!! WAIT NO, THE CONTROLLER SURVIVED..! REALLY?!!” while Blue giggled maniacally and Papyrus dissolved into tears.

 

“NYOO HOO HOO..!”

 

“OH SHOOT PAPY, NOW IT'S OUT IN THE REAL WORLD! IT'S GONNA PICK US OFF ONE BY ONE IN THE WOODS WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING!” Blue shouted gleefully, offering absolutely no assistance to Edge who'd grabbed an emergency fireproof blanket to beat down the blaze, as Papyrus’s wails intensified.

 

“STOP SCARING HIM AND HELP ME QUELL THIS FIRE!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who might not know (or suspect anyways) I based this drabble off my favorite Ragequit video of all time, Michael and Gavin of Roosterteeth play "Slender"! Yet another drabble that's a little longer than 1500 words... but oh well! I really love this particular, but then I'm a horror game fanatic (admittedly one that acts more like Papyrus here than I'd like).  
> Besides, who doesn't love a Blueberry who encourages the world to burn gleefully?


	9. Girlfriend Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne gets home from a rough work day. Alphys has to step up to make sure she's okay.

Undyne dragged herself home during the late afternoon, looking utterly exhausted and beat up in a way that Alphys rarely sees. Normally, this kind of exhaustion is accompanied by Undyne grinning ear to ear, the kind of wide smile you'd see on a dog that has been out in the park for a long time and had the time of its life. However, Undyne looked sweaty and dirty, injuries clearly visible.

 

“Undyne, y-you're-” Alphys approached to check on the wide gash that still oozed through the gauze bandage over her exposed stomach in a slowly spreading blossom of bright red. It looked like she wasn't comfortable wearing a shirt over the wound, torn garment slung over her shoulder instead.

 

“Fine. I'm fine, Alphys, it's just a through and through.” Undyne trudged past her, shedding clothes along the way to the bathroom. From there, Alphys could hear the bathwater start running, and she timidly peeked in to see Undyne step in and sit in the slowly rising bathwater. Undyne pulled her legs close, slinging her arms over her knees, and hung her head sighing. Alphys stepped in slowly, seeing her girlfriend so thoroughly battered by the job.

 

Slowly, she sat at the tub's edge, and held a hand to Undyne's cheek. Undyne didn't deign to respond at first, but when Alphys tried to remove her hand, a hand shot up to anchor her firmly in place. “No, that's... nice.” Undyne responded, her voice low. She leaned into it, yellow eye half closing.

 

Alphys looked at her for a long time, the sound of running water changing as the depth of the bathwater grew. Gently, Alphys extracted her hand from Undyne's cheek to shrug off her shirt and tossed it out of water's reach. She reached for the bubble bath, pouring a large amount beneath the pouring faucet. Bubbles and citrus scent sprouted from the turbulent waters, and the clean tangy scent diffused throughout the room in a subtle olfactory haze. She reached out and carefully extracted Undyne's hair from her ponytail, odd strands wrapped around the hair band and forcing her to work them out, then she reached for the shower attachment. She sprayed down Undyne's hair so that her dark red hair began flowing past her shoulders in with a flattened curtain, nearly obscuring her face.

 

She massaged shampoo into her scalp, feeling the low sigh slipping from Undyne in the process, and some of the rigidness leave her. Rinsing it out, all the soapiness flowing into the already bubbly bathwater, she proceeded to rubbing conditioner in her hair. She could sense Undyne's breathing evening out, the sound audible in the quiet bathroom. It was quieter than even being in the Waterfall, though it didn't quite match the disquieting volume of the abyss, the sound of water crashing muted like the pop of a gun equipped with a silencer.

 

Shaking off the morbid thought, the past never far from Alphys's mind didn't shouldn't matter now. The brush was just on the counter, so Alphys began brushing Undyne's hair back until it was in smooth uniform locks resting on her back and the brush no longer hooked on tangles. She reflected on how nice it was to be needed, even if it was just to bring a few moments of peace to her weary girlfriend.

 

Taking a washcloth, Alphys dipped it into the water to wash sweat and a smudge off Undyne's face, as the dirt wiped off, the dark brown color turned into an adobe red on the wash cloth and became a rough scrape on her forehead that began bleeding freely again. Undyne didn't really notice, as she began picking at the gauze still on her stomach.

 

Alphys stopped her with a stern look, “Don't.”

 

She would remove the patch herself, a little seed of determination pushing her to take charge. The injury was better than she thought, not a hole that went directly through but punched through one side of the ab and tore through the other. It was an awful thick wet ooze, and the injury radiated a painful heat that made Alphys want to cringe. Instead, she turned the running water off before it could submerge the wound.

 

They sat there for awhile, just Alphys washing Undyne while she sat there docilely and let her carefully pass water over the wound. Eventually it began washing clean enough that Alphys could patch it completely once Undyne got out, and she rinsed the conditioner from Undyne's hair with the shower nozzle. Once the slickness ran from her hair and her locks squeaked from friction, it was time to move Undyne from place.

 

“Get out of the t-tub.” Alphys commanded, holding her hands out. Undyne stood up, her girlfriend strangely colt-like and wobbily in the water, and she wrapped a towel around her to dry off. The water dripping from her in rivers were slowly soaked up by the towel, and Alphys drained the tub before setting to work on setting antibiotic cream and fresh bandages to the wound. All of this occurred while Undyne remained quiet, tired enough to allow Alphys to take the lead. She normally wouldn't be like this with anyone else, but Undyne seemed to appreciate the rare moments that Alphys dared to be assertive, this time particularly as Alphys led her to their bed.

 

The towel was discarded, a fresh pair of undergarments found, and then without bothering with pajamas, Alphys wrapped the blanket of their bed around her normally robust girlfriend and crawled in with her. The late afternoon light glowed and faded in intervals as clouds passed by the sun, and Alphys cradled Undyne's head as her exhausted girlfriend faded into sleep, looking up that expensive pizza parlor they'd always talked about but never ordered from. After nearly half an hour of debate, Alphys sneaked out of the room and summoned up the courage to make the call.

 

She could find out what had happened during her job later, but for now, Alphys was determined to make sure she recovered to her reckless, brave, and wonderfully loudmouthed self.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of an apology to Undyne for "Popped", I felt kinda bad for it. XD Considering these two are my OTP, I just really wanted a story with all the soft intimacy of making sure that your mate is healthy and cared for, and this felt like a good pairing for that.


	10. Genocidal Tendencies: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some exposition from Red, and the human continues their warpath.

“how many resets did it take for you to catch on?”

 

Sans and the other version of himself were in the room at the back of the house, his other self digging through the tools and parts before plopping down in front of the machine like he'd done this a million times before- not an inconceivable prospect- and pulling out a spare part. It seemed to appear out of nowhere, but he could see the box icon blinking on the phone screen. It appeared to only have one box instead of two, and Sans wondered what else was different.

 

“not too many compared to some of our alternate selves, the kid i knew wasn't the type to go off the deep end like that. quiet, harried looking, but peaceful. and believe me, that's a rare response in my universe” Red explained in a hurry, fitting the pieces into place. He had hurriedly introduced himself as Red to avoid confusion, and his Papyrus was called Fell. As Sans watched him shift different parts into place, he started seeing a pattern in what he was doing, the spare part making the machine much more obviously reparable. Sans moved next to him to steady some of the shaking pieces that threatened to tilt out of place.

 

“the kid's been shambling through here, like they've been possessed.” Sans told him. “they're covered in dust. i had my suspicions, but... i gotta ask. the old lady behind the door is..?”

 

“we've yet to find a way to break through the ruins door, regardless of the universe. and since the kid comes through there first, we can only assume that she's gone.” Red murmured, his grip on a wrench clenching with a dull grating sound. Sans nodded slowly. He knew, of course he knew that the old lady behind the door would be dead but the thought that she hadn't been able to be saved in the other timelines disturbed him. Red kept a pokerface, but the force he held the tool with made it obvious that he wasn't unaffected.

 

“so how did you figure out this mess?” Sans decided to change the subject, asking the million dollar question that burned in his skull.

 

Red paused to give an irritated grunt at a particularly delicate piece, chewing on his knuckle, and then shifted to lay on his back and painstakingly shifted the fuse to fit into place. Sans waited patiently for his response. After he was satisfied that he'd managed the part properly, Red finally said, “alphys spotted the change in the human, and began looking into the equipment we use to track the timeline disruptions. From there, we mobilized to find a way- any way- to be able to turn the tables.”

 

“and then you both redesigned this hunk of junk to carry you through space and time?” Sans finished, already drawing to the conclusion.

 

“that's the long and 'shorts' of it.” Red smirked up at him briefly, and Sans realized he was referring to the fact that his track shorts were drifting in his face as they worked.

 

“so the 'briefs' version aside, how long have you been doing this 'verse hopping thing?” Sans returned fire, and the two grinned at one another.

 

~

 

“NGAH!” Undyne yelled, throwing herself at the human that had challenged her. With Papyrus being late, she'd assumed the worse and went on ahead. They were fighting at the mouth of the cavern leading to the Hotlands, and Undyne meant to defend all of the innocent monsters that remained after the trail of dust and horror that the human child had left in their wake. The human had survived her attack, and was aiming to strike back when Papyrus and his other self had arrived.

 

“EVERYONE, STOP FIGHTING!” Papyrus shouted, startling both fighters.

 

“PAPYRUS!” Undyne yelled in shock, thoroughly distracted. “When you didn't meet me, I thought...” Papyrus saw that the human had focused their attack finally and skidded in front of her in time to block a potentially lethal blow, meanwhile Fell leaped over both of them to strike back.

 

He was abruptly yanked back by arms thrown around his neck, and Undyne applied crushing force as she shrieked, “Don't you EVER do that to me again!!! You got it punk?!!”

 

Papyrus flailed uselessly in her iron grasp, coughing, “YEP, GOT IT! U-UNDYNE I KINDA-”

 

As sickeningly cute as it was to see Undyne nearly strangle his other self, Fell could see the human's gaze wandering, and he knew better than to let the human get creative. “WE'VE GOT A FIGHT TO FINISH, YOU CAN BLUBBER ABOUT YOUR GROSS MUSHY FEELINGS LATER.”

 

“Right!” Undyne and Papyrus responded in unison, Undyne releasing Papyrus to grasp her spear.

 

“HUMAN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS, BUT PLEASE..! STEP OFF OF THIS AWFUL PATH AND TALK TO US!” Papyrus addressed their enemy. Truth be told, the human wasn't looking too good from the constant fighting. They might've been able to heal at different points inside the Waterfall area, but their face...

 

They had a strained over-wide smile that thinned their lips and seemed to cut through their face. It left too much of their teeth peeking through, and their eyes wide and over-bright in their intensity. It was as if something had pushed the real child deep down inside and and a mechanical puppet had taken their place.

 

“I TOLD YOU, IT'S NO USE TALKING TO THE HUMAN WHEN THEY'RE LIKE THIS!” Fell rebuked Papyrus, not removing his eyes from the child for even a second. He knew not to trust this apparition wearing the human's face, and took his turn to turn their soul blue.

 

“Who-? Papyrus, who is that?” Undyne looked between the two, recognizing the battle hardened version of Papyrus and yet not at the same time. She'd never seen such a dangerous aura emitting from her friend, and he was right here beside them! Ignoring the battle scars, armor, and the red glow of LOVE radiating from his aura though, he couldn't be mistaken for anyone else.  
  


“HE'S ME FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION! BUT I DON'T KNOW MUCH MORE THAN THAT.” With the battle now including him and Fell, he gave the human a chance to adapt to the unexpected switch with a slow set of attacks that allowed the human to jump over and duck under. Undyne on the other hand, sent her spears flying. It seemed that the battle would soon tilt in their favor.

 

The human redirected their attention to Papyrus, their gaze locking on him- no, _through_ him and straight into his soul. Even when he had held his arms out in hopes that the human would take his MERCY, did he see the human could look past him this way. A slight rattle danced through his spine causing his bones to chatter for a moment before he could steel himself. His other self was right as reluctant as he was to admit it, the human no longer saw 'people', but targets. His defense soared high in response to this revelation, and the human advanced forward to strike him in the ribs. The attack hurt, but expecting it made it a lot easier to endure.

 

Undyne growled in outrage, “There is NO way I'm going to let you try to finish the job!”

 

She charged the child only for them to dodge her attacks with an expectancy that could only be described as prescience. Even when Papyrus and Fell summoned their bone attacks in increasingly complex patterns, the human was able to dodge most of it with the exception of getting nicked a couple of times.

 

On their turn, they targeted Papyrus once more.

  
Papyrus's hit points were getting low, and Undyne was gritting her teeth in poorly restrained rage, her attacks getting sloppy. Fell knew by observation that this child had been at this for a long time, even his organized attacks were familiar to the child somehow, despite never having seen him specifically before. He could only assume the number of resets that must've occurred by this 'time'. It was no wonder Red had trouble keeping the kid pinned down.

 

Were they going to have to let the kid go to regroup and kill them later?

 

 

F̠̜̘̠̠̗̜̣͙͔̖̮̞̲͇̳̊ͦͦ̂ͤ̋̊ͯ͒̌ͫͩͩͬ̎̑͗̋͘͜͟ͅu̍͌͋͂̚͞͏̳̝̤͇̼̬͚̹̟̤͕̻͚͎̦͢ͅn͓͙̩̩̻̋ͧ͋͊ͭ͌͌̊̽̓̈ͨͭ̈̑̂͑͌͠ ̡̨̳̳̝̬̠͓̺̺̘͕̺ͫ͋͒V̵̡̜̰͓͙̤͑ͤ͌̽ͭ͐̓̎͒͛̏̀ͭ͋͠ą̝̮̤͉̩̰̤̔͂͋͠l̴̷̶̬͓̯̺͔̈̑͌̽ͪ͂̓̒̽ͯͭ͛͒̚͝ǘ̵̷̓͋͒̄̍̅̇͌̑̊ͯ̂̓̚҉̳̼̫̯̪̞͖̳̫̹e͉͍̖̯͕̞̙̠̼̼̦͉̰͚͉̖̤͈̒̊͒͌̋̈́̅̏̄̐̄̽̿͠=̶̴̛̞̮̺̹̭͍̥̤̠̙̲̗̙̙ͧͧ̆̃͒͌̌ͯ͂̃̾͐̕ ̥̹͉͉̫̰͕̬̗͈̌̎̑̋̋ͧ̅̇͟6̯͍̮͎̺͙̘̟̰͕̰̺̄̈̾͐̑̓ͣ̀͐̿̌̇ͭ̐͑̒̕͜͜6̶̛̰̣̦̞͇̪̤̖͚͎͙̗͎̘ͪ̒̍̑͡ͅ

 

 

Something in the atmosphere seemed to physically _move._ Bones shot out from all directions along with multiple skull blasters that opened their maw with a low thrumming charge. Before their eyes, the human was skewered and then baptized in an electrifying wash of orange and maroon magic.

 

“didn't think you were the type to need help, fell.” Another Papyrus in an orange faded hoodie stepped forward from the wavering space, followed by another copy, as well as an entire group of multi-dimensional personas of the friends that Papyrus knew. Alphys and Sans stepped ahead wearing battle armor, alert and confident. A version of Undyne that Papyrus could have never imagined skulked behind the other him, her lab coat dragging along the ground. Other than Alphys, they lacked defining scars or visible signs of stress. However, the other copies were scarred or wearing heavy armor like Fell. His other self in this group in particular, looked like he'd seen better days judging by the shadowed look in his eyesockets, his fluffy jacket crisscrossed with the seams of repairs.

 

Eyelights blown up wide, Papyrus couldn't stop the awed, “WOWIE!”

 

Next to him, Fell rolled his eyes. “FUCKING... GREAT TO SEE YOU _AGAIN,_ ASHTRASH.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess which drabble got upgraded to a running series now?  
> (I KNEW I should've just waited to put this into a separate fic...)


	11. Horse Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Undernet social platform added a new little mini-game. It involves horse death.

## Toriel

 

The Goatherd of Kallaria was the most elaborate name she’d ever seen anyone name a friend since her late son had named his drawing “God of Hyperdeath”. 

“What a cute game.” She giggled. She bleated, “How Mah-ah-ah~velous indeed.”

She wishes she could show it to her friend on the other side of the Ruin’s door, but alas, she’ll simply practice on the golden flowers as she waited for another child to fall down.

She had looked away from her phone for only a second to water a plant that had looked a little droopy, but when she looked back her horse friend had perished in the process. Taken aback, she looked at the number of days it had survived, and suddenly it didn’t seem like such a cute game after all.

 

## Sans

 

When the icon popped up on the Undernet, he opened the little window and snickered. It vaguely reminded him of some sort of human tech that had thoroughly traumatized Papyrus the year before. He’d refused to sleep because the weird little creature in the electronic keychain would die, and eventually it got so that when the inevitable happened, the electric pet ‘died’.

After that, Sans traded it in for a rock that the alleyway shop next to MTT resort was carrying. Papyrus seemed more relieved than angry when he found out the ‘pet’ evolved into a much hardier rock.

As for this, it looked to be a parody with a little horse that shit up the place instead of needing to be fed, but it was named ‘Stoolgo, who Devastated Tewkesborough’. He knew better, but he was charmed.

It became easier to care for it once he discovered it paused on switching from tab to tab, and steadily cleaned up the poop every time he visited the Undernet social network throughout the day. At some point, he was clicking on it and wondering if it was glitched. Then suddenly the page reloaded, and Stoolgo was dead.

“nope, done with it!” he grumbled, his eyelights going dark. He crossed his arms and ‘glared’ at the computer for a few seconds, before his mind wandered. He hadn’t seen Papyrus all day, so he could probably assume he was doing the same thing. He wondered if the lady behind the Ruins door had seen it yet, or if she got the Undernet at all. Undyne probably had already lost interest, but Alphys would probably take it personall-

-oh shit. Alphys!

 

## Asgore

 

Alphys had called about a new little game on the Undernet. After finishing up watering the garden and maintaining the house, Asgore decided to sit to a cup of tea and try the game out. 

What a charming game! His subjects were truly inventive for having come up with something to keep in good spirits!

He managed to keep the Viscount mucked out while scrolling through the newsfeed- most of it Alphys venting out her social anxieties on the Undernet, she really ought to relax more, perhaps that cute little yellow dino mug he saw on sale the other day would cheer her up- and on that thought, the teakettle began whistling.

He went to pour hot water into his cup, and then turned back to his phone-

-oh, it’s dead.

 

## Alphys

 

When she’d come back from feeding the amalgamates, she’d found the horse that she’d been keeping alive all day on the Undernet had keeled over because she forgot to switch tabs.

She groaned, she couldn’t even keep a game horse alive for ‘half a year’. Of course, it was her “Unreasonable Fantasy”- to be fully capable of keeping the people she cared about safe and healthy. She couldn’t help other people! She couldn’t even help herself, though it wasn’t like she deserved it. It was like the Midas touch, where everything she touched would just… hurt them…

She pulled her legs up and hugged her tail around herself, ready to let herself fall into a gloomy reverie that’d quickly become her most persistent visitor before a hand settled over her shoulder. She looked back to see one of the amalgamates fading away, and got up to see what they wanted.

~

Sans stepped into the lab, seeing it empty looking. Her phone had the dead horse screen still, and the doorway to the lab was open. He followed inside to find…

Endogeny galloping after a stick, strange fluids flecking all over the place happily as one of the more diaphanous amalgamates hovered watchfully, a blanket draped over Alphys with a peaceful smile on her face, though tremulous. She glanced over in a panic, until she realized it was him.

“Oh, h-h-hey…”

“hey. i dunno if you’ve seen the horse game online..?” Sans hedged carefully. Alphys looked down and nodded.

“Y-yeah… and played it. And killed it by accident.” She sighed, only to be bowled over by Endogeny, goop dripping out of the hole of its face and carrying the stick with it. She struggled to get a hold of the stick levitating in front of her face to throw again before wiping her hands on her labcoat. “I-I guess I tried to get depressed over it… b-but it’s kinda t-tough when you’re really taking care of people. N-no breaks.”

Sans closed his eyes for a moment to allow relief to course through him for a moment, “heh, so you’re just horsing around after all.”

“I g-guess so.” she smiled ruefully. “Maybe I’m b-better off s-sticking to real l-life today.”

 

## Papyrus

“UNDYNE, YOU ARE FORMALLY INVITED TO GLUPO’S BIRTHDAY BASH!” Papyrus chattered excitedly over the phone.

“Wait, who’s Glup-ohhhh it’s your horse. Pet. Thingie.” Undyne stopped as soon as she saw the birthday post. “Wait, isn’t there 365 days in a year? Not 366 days?”

“HE WAS BORN ON A LEAP YEAR OBVIOUSLY.”

She chortled, “FUHUHUHU! WELL YOU CERTAINLY HAVE A KNACK FOR TAKING CARE OF STRANGE PETS!! Seriously though, I’ll be there with some pizza, ya big nerd.”

Sans passed by, ready for a nap after checking in on Alphys and called through the door. “ya doing all right bro?”

“OH SANS! YOU’RE FORMALLY INVITED TO GLUPO’S BIRTHDAY BASH!” Papyrus slammed open his bedroom door, narrowly missing Sans in his eagerness to tell him, and Sans chuckled. Of course his bro would keep one of those horses alive for at least a year. He really was the coolest. Then Papyrus asked, “WHAT WAS YOUR HORSE NAMED, SANS?”

Sans remembered Stoolgo, and put a hand to his sternum solemnly. “stoolgo, who devastated tewkesborough.”

“OH MY GOD SANS!!! ONLY YOU WOULD GET A PUN INSPIRED HORSE!!!” Papyrus shrieked in outrage.

Sans laughed until he cried. Best horse. RIP Stoolgo.

~

 

Later, Glupo died at 446 days when Flowey convinced Papyrus that it was okay to minimize the game screen on the tab and leave it alone. It was not okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's how I justify wasting my time on that dumb game off tumblr XD *dumps post results into AO3*


	12. Lollipop Sticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day in Snowdin with the skelebro's shenanigans.

“SANS, GET UP YOU LAZY BONES, WE'RE LATE! WHAT IF THE HUMAN HAS SHOWN UP AND I HAVEN'T CALIBRATED MY PUZZLES YET?!” Sans stirred, with a low groan in response to Papyrus's loud morning cheer.

 

“five more minutes...” he mumbled.

 

“HUMAN CATCHING WAITS FOR NO ONE, AND NEITHER DOES BREAKFAST!” Papyrus pulled his brother out of bed, and with the sleepy brother tucked under his arm, raced down the stairs. They took a quick detour to grab pancakes that Papyrus apparently already made, the kitchen coming out of the experience unscathed Sans noted sleepily before three flapjacks were shoved into his mouth, and then they were out the door.

 

Papyrus raced across Snowdin Forest to deposit Sans at his station, and huffing for breath for a moment, before attempting to jog back to his station further in. Sans finished chewing through the stack of pancakes in time to call after him, “take a breather bro, a human isn't showing up any time soon.”

 

“I WILL WHEN YOU PUT A LITTLE BACKBONE INTO YOUR WORK FOR ONCE!” Papyrus responded, cocking his head towards him and placing a hand on his hip saucily. “DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU SLACKING OFF BROTHER, OR I'LL...”

 

“call undyne?” Sans teased.

 

“YES?!” With that, Papyrus took off in the opposite direction. A faint cracking emanated like he'd stepped on a branch, and Sans was left alone with his thoughts and memories of the last human that had passed through Snowdin Forest. They killed a few monsters, were judged- maybe it was in self-defense, but he knew they could do better and yet they passed through the barrier with Asgore's soul. He called to let Toriel and Papyrus take the phone over, Undyne refusing to speak to them at all. The phone apparently died while he was away because once he got back, Papyrus was looking at the phone with a pained look that Sans had hoped to avoid seeing on his normally cheerful face.

 

… The memory makes his chest hurt. Time to get out of his empty skull.

 

He preoccupied himself with stuffing his pockets full of snow, and then he took a shortcut to Papyrus's station, with the skeleton in question giving a muted squawk and nearly falling out of his seat. “s-SANS!!”

 

“'sup bro.” He offers a hand to help Papyrus up, the whoopee cushion going off with a wet sound.

 

“N-NYEH!!” Papyrus tried to keep a stern face, but the corners of his mouth was twitching, a lollipop stick in his mouth. “HEH.”

 

“oh? when did you get that?” Sans noted.

 

“WHA- OH THIS? THE SHOPKEEPER GAVE IT TO ME YESTERDAY!” Papyrus pulled the stick out, the end of it a little discolored with yellow still. “BUT IT'S ALREADY GONE...” He looked put-out at the sweet's short lifespan, putting it back between his teeth to chew on the remaining sweetness.

 

“hey bro?” Sans asked, curling his phalanges around the snow.

 

“can i ent'ice' you to a snowball fight?” He winked. Papyrus narrowed his eyes.

 

“ONLY IF YOU'RE PREPARED TO LOSE, NYEH HEH HEH- WAIT, THAT'S A PUN?! YOU CHEEKY LITTLE..!” And then he was sputtering, his face filled in with snow that Sans tossed with a devil-may-care flair.

 

“c'mon bro, i think we both know i have no cheeks upstairs or down.” Sans teased further, and had to dodge a flurry of ice.

 

“I SUGGEST YOU CHILL OUT, BROTHER,” Papyrus grinned. “BECAUSE YOU'RE STARTING A FIGHT WITH THE COOLEST DUDE AND YOU'RE BOUND TO LOSE!”

 

Spending the rest of the day dumping snow on each other, with even Papyrus side-stepping a few attacks and springing a couple of good attacks of his own, they were worn out but happy by the time bedtime rolled around. Papyrus checked through his bookshelf, and pulled out Fluffy Bunny.

 

“READ THIS ONE SANS!” He turned and jumped onto the racecar bed, to hand the book to Sans.

 

“okay bro.” Sans opened the book, and then began reading. “fluffy bunny bounced into the forest. where had their friends gone? their friends were playing hide and seek...”

 

When Sans fell sound asleep- or as close to it as he ever is, Papyrus eased out of bed to tuck him into his own bed and return Fluffy Bunny to its shelf. His footsteps barely sounded in the hallway as he ghosted his way to Sans's room, carrying Sans gingerly so as to avoid disturbing him. A bare mattress really, the sheets all balled up, but old habits died hard and he made a point to untangle the sheet and toss it over him, the sheet floating for a moment before settling back down on the tired smaller skeleton. He watched him for a few moments, Sans's features softening back into sleep from semi-consciousness. He adjusted the sheet a little bit, pausing once more to stare at him.

 

“good night, sans.” he said softly, and leaned down further to place a furtive kiss to Sans's forehead. Returning to his room, he dug into the space between the mattress and the car-bed, and trudged down the stairs into the living room. Cracking the window over the couch, he had to be careful not to let snow swirl inside, a technique perfected over countless resets. The tarnished old fashioned silver Zippo lighter and crumpled box with a single cigarette in his hands shook slightly as he placed the filter between his teeth, and chased the end with the lighter's flame. The flare of orange-red flames devoured the white paper first and then chased the tobacco inside, leaving him with an abundance of smoke to hold into his ribcage. He flipped the lighter closed, now warm, and leaned out into the Snowdin night to exhale.

 

When he was done, he carried the lighter and empty box with him into the laundry room where he shed the hotpants, the battle body itself, and the tight leotard underneath that. He shoved all of these things into the wash without ceremony, and a cup of grainy laundry soap in for good measure. His laundry hamper was empty, much like how his mailbox seemed to be. Sans's hamper was full of dutifully unwashed clothes however, and he picked through them for a pair of athletic shorts to slip on before sitting on top of the washer.

 

Just like every night, he looked like the Sans he knew when he was asleep, one with all of the energy and enthusiasm in the world. Some nights, if he watched long enough, he could almost see 'him' wake up with stars in his eyes.

 

Gods, he was tired.

 

The costume was a bit uncomfortable, too tight in places and made him feel oddly exposed. It made him think of the costume he made with his brother- if he had made a sturdier costume... no. That was in the past now, not even in the same universe, and it wasn't the armor that failed him anyways. That human... the only thing he can do now is leave vague threats on the phone, threats that made him feel hollow and depressed. It wasn't even the same kid, though they left the Underground here in a similar state as in his Underground. Might've driven Sans to the same lengths as him, seeking to skip out on his own world to find somewhere else where he might not have to live without a brother.

 

Admittedly, he never thought he could stand up to this much exercise and strain on one HP before, but then, he never thought he could live on the one cigarette a day either. It's funny to what lengths he'd go to in order to protect this other version of his brother, once he found out he was 'sans' a brother, from finding out what happened to his Papyrus.

 

… well, no. It's not funny at all.

 

He chuckled mirthlessly anyways, and removed the bottle of honey from its hiding place so to drown out the bitter taste at the back of the throat. Only once the bottle was empty, did he crack open the book that his brother used to read to him, bones rattling slightly as the washer continued to work in the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loosely structured on the queen Toriel neutral ending.  
> I saw this comic by Butters a little bit ago, and thought for a sec that Blue was really Sans! It gave me this kinda sad terrible idea, which as I talked with others, it turns out there's a comic that covers the whole AU bro replacement tragedy so be sure to check out the second link too!  
> https://buttercupsticksntricks.tumblr.com/post/159189726779/if-sans-was-the-older-brother-headcannon  
> http://rahafwabas.tumblr.com/post/147296290835/thank-you-xyukinax-for-translate


	13. The Broken Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fell!Papyrus doesn't cope well with Sans's death.  
> Warnings: Horror and Tragedy. Mind the new tags, and if you don't cope well with angst, please consider skipping this one.

Papyrus sat across from her, staring straight ahead hollowly. If Alphys had to judge, she'd say he hadn't slept since his brother had been dusted in an... well, let's call it an accident. His normally fiery eyelights were smoldering deep in his eyesockets, casting a particularly eerie resentful glow around the sockets, and the pallor of his bones took on a papery white that was unnatural even for skeleton monsters. His armor was in shreds, dust and blood coating the water-proof leather, the emblem on his chest stabbed through. He was wearing his brother's old jacket, a matted and worn thing, beat up beyond saving. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that it hung off Papyrus's abnormally thin figure. Nonetheless, he seemed to be... surviving.

 

Yes, that was probably the most Alphys could say for him, even with his outward appearance remaining as fierce as ever. He's done well to survive as long as he had without his brother, but she could sense his HoPe crumbling underneath with a casual check. It was concerning at the very least, and she made a note to talk to Undyne about it next time she visited.

 

In the mean time... it was best to play nice. She took out a couple of dishes for the item that Papyrus brought over. It smelled good, more so than what Alphys ever expected. A flaky buttery crust, onions, and chives produced a heavenly aroma that she'd never had guessed would've come from a savory pie that he produced. Each hunk that she lifted onto the plates oozed with a rich and creamy white sauce, starchy soft potatoes, sweet corn, and bright orange carrots. “I-it is kind of you t-to v-visit, e-even in such t-trying times.”

 

“INDEED, DOCTOR ALPHYS...” He responded tonelessly. She studied him further through her one way glasses, designed so that she can read anyone's facial expressions at will, but that they would not be able to return the calculating gaze. She would never be able to meet with anyone otherwise, her anxiety would make her an easy target even with Asgore and Undyne to contend with upon her death. It seemed that Papyrus was merely here on Undyne's request, possibly after seeing her second in command slip so far.

 

If it was a mercy killing Undyne wished for, Alphys could oblige. Then maybe... her thoughts led her on a tangent before the sounds of someone clearing their throat interrupted her.

 

“DOCTOR, YOU'RE DROOLING.” Papyrus intoned, no shift in his expression whatsoever.

 

Alphys wiped away saliva self-consciously, and then noticed he wasn't eating the slice that she set out before him. He pushed around bits and pieces, shredding the crust. Paranoia rising, Alphys demanded, “Why a-aren't you eating?!”

 

The first sign of life flickered from his thousand-yard-stare and his gaze slowly met hers through the opaque glasses. He took the fork that was on the table, and reached over to stab part of Alphys's pie slice, then lifted the bite to his mouth. With a sarcastic quirk of his eyebrow ridges, he ate it, chewing slowly and swallowing. Alphys felt a little silly, of course it wasn't poisoned. He was grieving, not hostile- even if his grieving process was a little eerie. It was unnatural to see him so still after watching him be so animate on camera day in and day out.

 

She took her own fork and began to eat, the creamy flavor fused with the distinct umami flavor of fish, but there were no chunks of fish in this. She wondered if there was some sort of flavor concentrate added, maybe something scavenged from the dump along with other expired seasonings. “It c-could use some salt... b-but it's g-good. You should s-save s-s-some for Undyne to try.”

 

“... DOCTOR ALPHYS. I FEEL THAT I SHOULD INFORM YOU OF THE REAL REASON BEHIND MY VISIT.” Papyrus announced, changing the subject.

 

This she expected. No one visits without an agenda of course, not her. Especially given recent events. She knew the rumors flying around- she brought monsters back to life, she kidnapped monsters and used them for experimentation, she kidnapped monsters and used them for the development of Undyne's LOVE- or maybe even Asgore's LOVE. The truth was infinitely worse, but not even Undyne knew that. She simply didn't ask.

 

So for Papyrus to show up with food, no matter how awkwardly it was done, had to mean that he wanted to find out if the first rumor was true. She could already feel her magic churning in response to her anxiety at rejecting Papyrus's request, especially if he insisted on seeing what was done to the monsters that disappeared.

 

There would be absolutely no explanation for it.

 

“P-p-papyrus I c-c-can't-”

 

Papyrus raised a finger to his mouth, and softly, so softly it seemed impossible to believe it was him that was speaking he confessed- “I know it was Undyne who murdered Sans.”

 

A long silence that should not have existed reigned at the table. Papyrus smiled thinly at her as her mouth moved even as her voice failed.

 

In a hoarse whisper, she finally stated “Sans's death was an accident.”

 

“NYEH HEH HEH... THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. PERHAPS ALL MONTH. DOCTOR ALPHYS, ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T A COMEDIAN, LIKE MY BROTHER? IT SEEMS TO BE THE OCCUPATION OF CHOICE FOR FAILED SCIENTISTS THESE DAYS.” he jeered, his loud volume returning with a vengeance.

 

“I-i-i-it's true! Undyne c-cares about you! She w-w-WOULDN'N...” Alphys forced the leaden word out, her tongue not cooperating and laying the last 't' down too heavily, and she clenched her fists shut in her frustration at the skeptical smile that broke out. She took a deep breath, and tried again. “She w-wouldn't hurt you. You c-can ask her.”

 

“THERE YOU GO AGAIN DOCTOR, SAYING SUCH 'HUMERUS' THINGS.” Papyrus closed his eyes and rubbed his palm against his forehead as if the pun physically pained him. When he looked at her again, it was like his magic sputtered out in his head, the eye lights so dull and faded that the inside of his skull looked dark. “DOCTOR ALPHYS, NO ONE WILL BE ASKING UNDYNE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN.”

 

“You d-dusted her?!” She shrieked, her hand dipping below the table in question to depress a button.

 

“YES...” Papyrus mulled. “AND NO. MAKE NO MISTAKE, CAPTAIN UNDYNE IS DEAD. BUT DUSTED... NOT QUITE. HER FORM DID THE DAMNDEST THING AS I BLASTED HER WITH MY SPECIAL ATTACK. IT WAS LIKE SHE... MELTED...”

 

A shiver shuddered through Alphys from her spine down to her tail, which lashed in agitation. No! She can't be- no NO NO NOT UNDYNE! She can't see Undyne like that, a garbled voice of DETERMINATION and misery, maybe even blending into the form of several other monsters so that she was unrecognizable except in the very worst of Alphys's nightmares.

 

Papyrus's droning voice barely registered through her horror and panic, but it was what he dropped from inside his sleeve that brought her attention back into reality. “-IT WAS RATHER DIFFICULT TO GATHER HER REMAINS INSIDE THIS VIAL, BUT I DID IT.”

 

The vial was empty.

 

“I-is this a j-j-joke?!” Alphys croaked, a sickly salt squirting at the back of her mouth. The taste reminded her of the cooling pie on the table, fishy scent seeming to coagulate in the air, it was so thick.

 

“NO.” he responded, raw sincerity ringing through his voice, eyes trained on her glasses- no, through them. “JOKES WERE SANS'S SPECIALTY. THOUGH I'LL ADMIT, I CAN APPRECIATE A GOOD JAPE.”

 

He gestured to the pie and plates in front of him, daring her to guess at what the trick might've been. She shook her head mutely. He nodded, eyes never leaving hers. She was almost convinced, and then a thought occurred to her.

 

“Can't be.” She said with a cold composure that Undyne would be proud of. “You ate a piece too.”

 

“INDEED.” Papyrus agreed. Indifference returned to his face, as if this thought was particularly boring. “I ATE A PART OF THE PIE. I ATE PART OF MY FORMER FRIEND AND MENTOR. AS YOU DID, AFTER WATCHING ME EAT HER. JUST AS YOU WATCHED HER KILL SANS, AND COVERED FOR HER.”

 

“Y-you b-b-bastard!” Alphys choked out, outrage coloring her face. “Und-d-dyne c-c-cared about you! Sans was making you a t-t-target! You would've b-been k-killed!” Not caring that she was horribly outmatched, she seized his armor and pulled him over the table as if to shake some semblance of sense into him.

 

“HE WAS MY BROTHER.” Papyrus began to chuckle, a dry rattling in the back of his throat and he smiled a broken smile that tears rolled into, like rain dripped down the concave walls of the Waterfall's caverns. His form was illuminated by a red analog glow from behind him, and suddenly his tall figure resembled that of a broken doll. “MY BEST FRIEND KILLED MY BROTHER AND THEN I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND EXCEPT THAT SHE WOULDN'T DIE-”

 

A whirring sound dug into his neck with a flash of fanged silver, and for a moment his vertebrae resisted, spraying Alphys's face with a fine shower of dust. Then Mettaton's circular saw blade finished its work and his head slid off, tumbling into the fish pie with a dull sickening splatter. His expression relaxed from its hysteria into something more sincerely sorrowful.

 

“Alphys darling, are you okay?” Mettaton asked, his multitude of eyes searching her face for damage. Papyrus's head began to dust, leaving the cream sauce dirty and grainy.

 

“... Mettaton, get his body into the lab right now and secure his soul.” She ordered, her face devoid of expression as she handled his skull with the dust sloughing off in feathery puffs. Undyne wanted him to live, and she would honor her wishes. Papyrus didn't have to be happy about it, Alphys reflected, as she prepared a needle with DT.

 

No, for what he's done, he won't get a choice in the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks goes to PancakePants for providing the idea "UF!Papyrus bakes Undyne into a pie and serves it to Alphys".  
> Be sure to visit them at their tumblr!  
> https://pancakehaven.tumblr.com/  
> It was already a pretty horrible idea, and then I broke my drabble word count with it adding the last part. I actually wrote this before the last one, but I didn't want anyone to suspect that I was capable of angst before I posted it since I normally write fluff. The drabbles will return to fluff for awhile after this one, I'm not one to do heavy doses of angst at once.


	14. Kriegertale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The true story of W.D. Gaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an Archer-based shitpost drabble. So you might want to brush up on your animated spy comedy to get most of the jokes here.

Somewhere, deep inside the laboratory in Hotlands...

 

“So you've got anesthetic for the procedure, right?” Alphys stuttered, lying on the table, blinking as the light over the table swung back and forth, blinding her further even as her glasses was on the rolling shelf next to a set of cold glistening steel operating tools. “'Cuz, to be honest Dr. Gaster, I don't think I'm supposed to be awake for brain surgery. After all, it's an experimental operation to cure my addiction to anime so I'll make it through science classes.”

 

“Mm. Yep yep!” One of the good doctor's hands flitted over the available tools, and grasped an ice pick. The other hand was flicking away at a needle filled with a mysteriously luminescent green chemical. “You might feel a slight pinch in your right nostril- that is totally normal, and it'll go away in a few seconds.”

 

“gaster no!” The lab door busts open, revealing an extremely irritated Sans. “that is not how you do a lobotomy!”

 

“it's not?” Gaster responded, eyes wide in genuine bewilderment as Sans continued.

 

“first of all you do a classic lobotomy right behind the eye- and alphys, he's not even a medical doctor! last time he had anyone under sedation, he damaged my broca's area and now i have to make 'cornea' jokes every fourth sentence! i have to make a skele'ton' of puns at once so i can have a conversation that doesn't result in my using 'humerus' in the context of anything but referring to the actual bone!”

 

“Technically, I'm not the other kind of doctor either.” Gaster muttered while Sans was talking.

 

“can you imagine how hard it is to get anyone to take me seriously? i have to threaten small children to get any respect around here!” A shadow loomed over Sans as he was ranting, and began oozing over his shoulders, seeping into his hoodie. “and- ohmygodwhatthefuckinketchupandfrenchfriesisthat?!”

 

Sans whirled around with a trio of gaster blaster cannons and blasted the Endogeny that had been dripping copious amounts of drool on him, and the creature collapsed into a pile of dog residue. Gaster ran over to it, shrieking hysterically and sobbing “YOU MANIAC!!! YOU KILLED HIM! DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!” He pounded the ground with his fist, kneeling completely in his anguish.

 

The dog residue began trembling and with a sound akin to a wet suction cup releasing its hold, reformed much to Sans's and Alphys's disgust and amazement. Gaster sat up and commented, “Oh, he's all right. Unlike the first Endogeny.”

 

“What happened to the first Endogeny?” Alphys asked nervously. Gaster handed her and Sans cups of steaming tea, as he regressed into a flashback...

 

“ _Oh don't be a baby, just walk across the bridge with no safe guard railway, it'll be fine.” Gaster scolded the trembling entity. “Honestly, the Core infrastructure is like... 90% safe.”_

 

_Stepping onto the shaky platform, the amalgamate nearly made it to the other side when Gaster shouted “ENDOGENY!!!”  
_

_They squawked in unison and scrambled as the platform startled with them and flipped over, causing the doomed legion monster to fall into the lava below._

 

_Gaster sucked air through his teeth, as he watched it happen.“Ooooh. I lied, it's more like... 30% safe. Really, at this point that might even get downgraded to 25% safe.”_

 

He wiped away a tear from his face. “Aw... Endogeny One.”

 

“Oh Gaster, it's okay...” A pink ghost appeared to dab away at the tear running down his face.

 

“NO IT ISN'T HAPSTABLOOK, IT'S NOT OKAY AND IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY!!!” He screamed, and in the awkward silence Alphys sipped the cooling tea.

 

“Sooo I'm not feeling GREAT about this? I feel kinda like you'll do something weird once I'm knocked out, like turn me into a cyborg or...” She told them hesitantly.

 

“Wait, you WEREN'T here to be turned into a cyborg?” Gaster gasped, his multitude of hands flying up to his face or making exclamation points in wingdings.

 

Both Alphys and Sans gave an affronted, “WHAT?!”

 

“NO! I just wanted to be better at science!!” Alphys shouted.

 

“Oh, I can do that! But first, are you sure you don't want me to make a murderous cyborg clone of you?” Gaster approached something covered in a blanket and ripped away in a dramatic reveal of a half-finished humanoid robot creature. “I've had plenty of practice with programming multi-fetish-bots since Hapstablook here wants to know what it's like to be a real 'boy'.”

 

“But Gaster-san you promised!” Said ghost clung to Gaster closely, tears in their eyes, but he rolled his eyelights and shook them off.

 

“I also promised you a body, how's that working out for you?!” He snapped, causing Hapstablook to float away wailing.

 

“No thanks, I'd rather not have my clones turn out to be like Twiddledee and Twiddledum over there.” Alphys told him dryly, pointing at Sans and Papyrus who'd conveniently chosen to enter the lab at this moment.

 

“HELLO EVERYBODY!” He waved.

 

Exasperated, his hands scolding, Gaster rebutted, “For the last time woman! If they were my clones, wouldn't they look exactly like me?!  


“yeah, duh.” Sans agreed.

 

“They're just the mutants made with pieces of my ribs that lived beyond the S.M.I.D.S stage.” Gaster continued. “Totally different from making a cyborg clone, which would wear your skin and be almost entirely made of mechanical exoskeleton.”

 

Papyrus raised one of his gloved hands, “EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT IS SMIDS?” as Sans's eyelights guttered out with an uttered 'what.'

 

“Sudden Mutant Infant Death Syndrome.” Gaster explained. “It happens to about 60% of test tube mutants that I ha-ahhhhhve NOT acquired! Actually, that's just a theoretical number, has no experimental proof. Certainly not in the garbage dump smelling of rotted marrow as we speak.” He smiled nervously, mysteriously sweating as if under duress.

 

Sans gawked at him, and Alphys finished the cup of tea before accusing, “Were you even going to wait until I was sedated before you operated?!”

 

Gaster made a throat clearing sound.

 

“You jerk! I'm done with this!” She shouted, getting up to leave, only to start wobbling in place. “Whoaa... I don't feel so good...”

 

“That would be the drugs in your tea. I might've kinda given you a dose that could knock out an elephant.” Gaster said sheepishly. “I didn't think you'd actually drink the whole thing so you'll probably be out in like ten seconds.”

 

Dazed, she could only respond, “Okay?” And then she keeled over.  
  
~

 

She woke up, slowly turning her head to one side, then the other expecting to have one of her hands replaced by a robotic attachment.

 

“Heeey you!” Gaster greeted with saccharine cheer. “How are you feeeling?”

 

“L-like I'd b-b-been involuntarily d-drugged and p-p-p-put on an operation table, w-w-wHY IS IT S-S-SO HARD T-T-TO T-T-TALK?!” She shouted at him, tripping over word after word.

 

“Sooo we had a little... accident.” Gaster averted his eyelights, a couple of his hands pushing their index fingers together nervously.

 

“A-a-accident.”

 

“he damaged your broca's area.” Sans told her from the corner he was sitting in, his scrubs covered in bright red and drinking from a condiment bottle as he flipped through a car magazine. “just like i told you.”

 

"WHAT." Alphys gawked at him.

 

"yeahhh." Sans pulled out a trombone, and tooted- “Wah wah wahhh.”

 

Alphys just glared at him.

 

“what? i didn't broca your brain! gaster did that.” Sans protested, and Alphys crossed her arms. “are you going to pout?”

 

She got up, ignoring the headache like a jackhammer from hell and the fact that her left eye was swollen shut, and left without saying a word. Sans groaned. “well fine then. just pout.”

 

Gaster watched her go, wondering out loud, "How long do you think it'll take before she notices the chip in her brain?"

 

"probably as long as it takes for- wait. when did you put a chip in her brain? i was here the whole time." Sans turned to him suspiciously.

 

"Sooo remember that breath strip I gave you-" Gaster started.

 

Needing to hear no more, Sans pinched between his eye sockets, "goddammit gaster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I complain about needing a lobotomy to tailor my brain to science better. Actual shitposting by me. I'm starting to think my friends are a bad influence. Incidentally, I now believe that Krieger-Gaster is the one true Gaster. Save yourselves while you can, preferably before he makes an appearance in this Dump again.


	15. Edge Changes His Resume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge decides his resume doesn't illustrate his qualifications clearly enough.

Triumphantly, Edge kicks his bedroom door open, the door swinging up wide enough to briefly reveal a cluttered desk and a wastebasket full of wadded up paper before he steps through and the door swings shut with a shuddering click from the door handle. He leaped over the rails rather taking the obviously banal way down the stairs and landed on one knee and one hand to the ground, scarf fluttering briefly before he straightens up and points at the skeleton on the couch.

 

“RED!”

 

“yeah boss?” Red looks up from his phone, halfway through a webpage full of jokes and puns. They were the only ones home at that point in the day, with Red on break a full 30 minutes before Sans, and an hour before Swap. Naturally, Blue and Papyrus didn't take breaks. All day. Edge was envious, he still wasn't hired yet, somehow, impossibly.

 

“I WANT YOU TO LOOK THROUGH THIS AND TELL ME IF THIS PROPERLY SHOWCASESE MY BRILLIANCE TO PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYERS.” Edge slams down a stack of papers as thick as his fist. Only out of curiosity, did Red attempt to pick up a few papers only to find that they were all somehow stapled together. Every last page. Huh.

 

“yep, all looks good to me boss.” Red approved, sweat beading on his temple at the thought of having to go through the whole stack.

 

“WHAT?! YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ IT?!!!” Edge stomped his foot in displeasure. “HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW IF IT'S ANY GOOD IF YOU DON'T READ IT?!”

 

“well, you made it boss. everything you do is great and terrible.” Red soothed, like a bomb defusal expert. “i bet they'll take one look at it and just hire you on the spot.”

 

“NYEH HEH HEH! TRUE! HOW CAN THEY THINK OTHERWISE IN THE FACE OF THIS MUCH GREATNESS?! IN THAT CASE, I WILL NOW PROCEED TO SUBMIT THIS APPLICATION TO EVERY JOB IN THE AREA.” Edge declared, walking back to his room to go on another job hunt, sending his impossibly long resume to the unfortunate souls.

 

Not too long later, Sans came popping into existence next to Red, signaling the start of his break. He glanced at the resume stack bemusedly. “someone writing a novel?”

 

~

 

“Um, excuse me but sir, can you look at this for me and tell me what I should be seeing here? Particularly this stack of papers... written in red crayon?”

 

“THIS WAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE I'VE CREATED OF MY BROTHER. BESIDES EXUDING A PLETHORA OF STRANGE FLUIDS, HE IS A SLOTH OF ASTOUNDING PROWESS! ACCORDING TO MY RESEARCH, HE SEEMS TO SUFFER FROM AN ABILITY TO REMAIN AWAKE AT HOURS THAT YOU AND I MIGHT BE ACTIVE, TO THE EXTENT THAT ONE MIGHT EVEN SUSPECT THAT IT'S AN INVOLUNTARY REFLEX!”

 

“... I see?” The person in question, going through the thick stack of papers didn't seem to actually see, as they had lost their place and was flipping through the resume again at an accelerated pace, frustrated at being unable to find the crayon pages again.

 

“FROM THIS INFORMATION, I HAVE PASSED THE DIAGNOSIS OF MY BROTHER BEING A NARCOLEPTIC.” Edge supplied, flipping the papers to their proper place. The interviewer harrumphed.

 

“I see... and the other parts here?” They prompted.

 

He skimmed over the attachment, “THIS WAS A NEWSLETTER ARTICLE CELEBRATING MY ARRIVAL TO ADULTHOOD. AS YOU'RE LIKELY UNAWARE OF WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING UNDERGROUND SEEING AS YOU'RE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE-”

 

“Uh, what?”

 

“- IN MY UNIVERSE, BIRTHDAYS WERE NOT ONLY A CELEBRATION OF SURVIVAL, BUT A SIGN OF STRENGTH! A MONSTER THAT SURVIVED TO ADULTHOOD IN THE UNDERGROUND WERE TO BE REVERED AND FEARED!”

 

As opposed to clarifying this, the person looked even more confused than they started with. They gawked at him as if he was joking, the pencil they were fiddling with going still and sliding out of their lax hand in the mean time. The low thump of the eraser hitting the table shook them out of it, responding hesitantly, “Ah well, that's good then..? So then this attachment stapled to the back of the papers is...”

 

“THAT IS A SHORT HISTORY OF MYSELF, MY MEMOIRS IF YOU WILL. MY ALTERNATE BROTHER BLUE CALLED IT A NOVELLA, BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU, THERE IS NOTHING FICTIONAL ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT.”

 

“Do you mean step-brother?” They asked, writing it on the resume before Edge responded-

 

“NO. I MEAN MY ALTERNATE BROTHER. IT'S SHORT FOR ALTERNATE VERSION OF MY BROTHER, WHICH SEEMS EXCESSIVELY LONG AND HARD TO MEMORIZE FOR HUMANS, SO MY HUMAN FRIENDS JUST CALL HIM AND MY OTHER NOT-BROTHERS AND NOT-MES MY 'ALTERNATE BROTHERS'.”

 

“Tell me, do you expect me to read all 800 pages of this?” They demanded, rubbing their forehead to ward off the incoming headache. “You are aware this is in 5-point font, and papyrus fon- ohhh.”

 

Edge narrowed his eyesockets. “YOU JUST NOW UNDERSTOOD THE REASON FOR MY BIRTH NAME, DIDN'T YOU?”

 

“Yes. However, I do recommend that next time you write a resume, that you only highlight the, ah, relevant details to your desired occupation. No one is going to read this whole thing. So allow me to ask, what makes you qualified for the night guard shift at a resort for mentally disturbed young women?” The interviewer asked, putting aside the stack completely and getting a notepad out. “I'm honestly asking as we cannot discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or disabilities but I get the impression that a uniformed skeleton may frighten or stress out some of our young ladies.”

 

“WELL, IF YOU READ MY PSYCHOLOGICAL ANALYSIS OF MY BROTHER, YOU'D REALIZED THAT I DID APPROXIMATELY THREE HUNDRED HOURS OF RESEARCH ON THE TOPIC OF NARCOLEPSY, WHAT THIS MEANS FOR MY BROTHER, AND HOW TO ADAPT TO SUCH A DISABILITY IN SUCH A WAY THAT LEAVES HIM INVULNERABLE TO AMBUSH OR CARELESS MISTAKES. OTHER THAN CHRONIC MESSINESS, THAT IS. MY BROTHER REFUSES TO PICK UP THAT THRICE DAMNED SOCK STILL.” He frowned, clearly irritated.

 

“I see, but how would you address your... intimidating appearance?” They gestured at him, clad in armor, eyelights glowing and illuminating the scarred bone running down one eyesocket, his phalanges sharpened to visible points even beneath the gloves.

 

He straightened up to full height so that he towered over the interviewer, forcing them to lean back a little. “I WOULD ARGUE THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF LESS SCARY, AS MY APPEARANCE SHOULD REASSURE THE CLIENTS THAT IF THEY WOULD NOT LIKE TO MESS WITH ME, THAN NEITHER WOULD POTENTIAL ENEMIES.”

 

“I-I see. We'll take that under consideration, but for now we have no further questions.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was mostly going to be 'what if Edge was hired for this job' until Cardboardhydrates inspired me to go a slightly different direction. Gotta say, this is the perfect way to continue this mini drabble series. Be sure to thank them or follow them at:  
> https://cardboardhydrates-liked.tumblr.com/  
> For now, Edge's job search continues~


	16. Genocidal Tendencies: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens during a reset?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of the AU Undyne and Alphys, I had to assign names, so here's the master list of that-  
> Undyne-  
> Scylla; Fell  
> Selkie; Swap  
> Siren; Swapfell  
> Alphys-  
> Compy; Fell  
> Tyra; Swap  
> Vel; Swapfell

“when do you think the human's going to reset?”

 

One of the Papyrus alternates approached Papyrus, looking right at him as if he'd know. He was slouched, with the fur of his hood shrouding his face partially, almost covering the scar over his eye. At his searching gaze, Papyrus automatically looked to Fell.

 

“THERE'S A WAY TO TELL?” Papyrus asked, relying on Fell to know what was going on.

 

Fell shook his head. “NO, NOT FOR US. THOSE VERSIONS ARE MORE LIKE... WELL, OUR BROTHERS.”

 

“oh, so he's like fell.” the other Papyrus in the pullover hoodie commented. “papyrus, how much have you learned since fell's shown up?”

 

“WE'D HARDLY HAD A MOMENT'S PEACE TO EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS!” Fell growled. “WE BARELY INTERVENED IN TIME TO SAVE OUR 'SELF' AND UNDYNE, LET ALONE-” He gesticulated wildly at the crowd of alternates. Undyne looked to be measuring up her counterparts, but paused to stare at the different Alphys's. “- BOONDOGGLING JUST TO TALK ABOUT THIS!”

 

“We're heading to my house. Every single one of you have a LOT to explain.” She ordered gruffly and slung an arm around Papyrus possessively, her eye flicking back at the crowd to reinforce her order with a momentary glare. “NOW.”

 

“Undyne, what makes you think you can-” A scarred Alphys tried to dispute, but the Undyne with armor matching Fell's- standard issue for the Royal Guard in that universe?- placed a hand none too gently on her shoulder.

 

“I know you're new to hopping universes, so I'll spare you the beatdown- if any of the captains interfere with another captain, Tyra, we'll be here all day fighting it out.” She warned. “Vel and I had it out for almost a day before a reset happened, and trust me you don't want to find out when you reset.” They walked into the dark room, following the path with mushrooms glowing around them

 

“A reset huh...” 'Tyra' groused to herself, chewing on a chipped claw. “I'd like to be in on one actually. It's about freakin' time for me to find out what these resets are about...”

 

On Tyra's other side, Papyrus's clone that Fell called Ashtrash mentioned looking down at the phone illuminating his face, “speaking of... heads up. or rather, the hands are up, heh.”

 

“WHAT SWAP?! NO! NO!!!” The darker armored Undyne whipped around, and Fell behind Papyrus and Undyne sighed before tapping Undyne on the shoulder.

 

“Hands up?” An Undyne a white coat with test tubes bound to it, a messy bun, and a sly glint to her eyes approached from behind to push her meeker alternate out of the way. Understandably, Swap stepped to the side where he could keep an eye on her, but allowed her to check the phone nonetheless.

 

“YOU MIGHT AS WELL STAY PUT FOR THIS EXPLANATION.” He warned them. “AT LEAST, UNTIL THE PROCESS IS OVER. UNDY- SCYLLA! UGH, JUST LET THE WEEDBAG TALK.”

 

“yep, according to gaster the values are resetting now.” Swap reported. “so prepare to find yourself wherever these guys start out at the beginning of the savepoint.” He gestured to Papyrus and Undyne, the two of them looking at each other in mutual confusion.

 

“W-well, b-before we have to g-g-go... c-can we... Scylla?” An Alphys with thick glasses and whirls carved into the glass timidly approached the Undyne named Scylla. Her coat looked ragged and torn at the edges, but seemed mostly intact like she hadn't seen the same level of combat like the others around her.

 

“Compy...” She said, her face flushing unexpectedly. Then her expression hardened, “NGAHHH! NO! ALPHYS!”

 

She swooped the little lizard into a tight hug that lifted her feet off the darkened path and passionately kissed her. “I'LL SEE YOU IN NO TIME, OKAY?! NO MEASLY RESET IS GOING TO KEEP US APART!”

 

“M-maybe you c-c-could s-say 'see you in the p-past'?!” The little dinosaur looked like she was about to swoon, and everyone who was 'Alphys' or 'Undyne' stared with mixed reactions on their faces. Sticking her tongue out, Scylla looked directly at Undyne next to Papyrus meaningfully before the world suddenly went fell into numbers.

 

 ~

 

000000000000001110101011010100000100000000000000011111111111101010111111111111111101010010101001111111111111100000000101010111111111000011110000000000000000011010000001000100000000011100000000000101011010100100101010100101111111111111111111110000000000000011111110101010010101111111101001010100000011101011110101001000011110000000000010101010101010101010101010110001111111111111000000000001110101001010011111111101111110011110001001010101010110001111111111111000000000001110101000111111000000000000001110101011010100000100000000000000011111111111101010111111111111111101010010101001111111111111100000000101010111111111000011110000000000000000011010000001000100000000011100000000000101011010100100101010100101111111111111111111110000000000000011111110101010010101111111101001010100000011101011110101001000011110000000000010101010101010101010101010110001111111111111000000000001110101001010011111111101111110011110001001010101010110001111111111111000000000001110101000111111000000000000001110101011010100000100000000000000011111111111101010111111111111111101010010101001111111111111100000000101010111111111000011110000000000000000011010000001000100000000011100000000000101011010100100101010100101111111111111111111110000000000000011111110101010010101111111101001010100000011101011110101001000011110000000000010101010101010101010101010110001111111111111000000000001110101001010011111111101111110011110001001010101010110001111111111111000000000001110101000111111

 

 

~

 

“THAT WAS AN ODD DREAM.” Papyrus said to himself absently, in the process of waking up before attempting to move and finding he couldn't. He opened his eyes in shock and found himself eyesocket to eyesocket with Fell. Right on top of him, Swap groaned, “welp, this is my life now.”

 

“UGH IT'S WORSE THAN LAST TIME... NOW THERE'S TWO ASSHOLES ON TOP OF ME.” Fell groaned. Papyrus saw the last clone on top of Swap, ready to slide off the skeleton dogpile at any moment, who caught his eye and unexpectedly, winked.

 

“was it as good for you as it was for me?” he murmured near Swap's head who groaned once more.

 

“dude get off of me if you're going to say shit like that...”

 

His grin pushed up the corners of his eyes, golden tooth glinting in the morning light, making him look much more like the skeleton Papyrus saw in the mirror than what he'd seen of him in the encounter before. “don't you mean get off on m-”

 

“DON'T YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE SLIM!!!” Fell shrieked and physically bucked both lanky skeletons off the racecar bed.

 

Swap landed face first, while Slim had briefly popped out of sight and onto his feet next to the doorway, placing an e-cigarette to his teeth for it to light up and leaning against the wall with smoke curling around his smirk before dispersing.

 

“E-EXCUSE ME FELL, BUT I'D K-KINDA LIKE TO GET UP TOO...” Papyrus tapped on Fell's shoulder, and he startled, bones clacking against bones as the movement brought to their attention how horribly entangled they actually were. Fell's hand was put through Papyrus's rib cage from under his shirt and the gap between his ulna and radius was speared onto a floating rib.

 

“i feel like there's a joke to be told somewhere here...” Swap mused as he watched the two struggle to disengage.

 

“LIKE HOW MANY PAPYRUS'S IT TAKES TO SOLVE A PUZZLE?” a loud voice made itself known, contrasting sharply with his silent approach.

 

“m'lord!” Slim responded, and went on a knee for this very strange version of Sans to pinch his jaw between his index finger and thumb to examine closely. Swap gave the display a poorly concealed look of unease.

 

“IT SEEMS THAT THE BRUTE THAT IS YOUR COUNTERPART HAS LEFT YOU UNSCATHED THIS MORNING. THAT'S GOOD.” This Sans gave Fell a dark look, one that was oddly avoided. Papyrus could only assume there was some rough patches transferring from one world to the next. Fell managed to extract his arms from Papyrus's ribcage and Papyrus pulled his night shirt down before asking something that'd been bothering him since he woke up and found a bunch of different versions lying on top of him.

 

“SO... WHY DO I REMEMBER NOW? THE RESETS?” He gestured around him.

 

“conscious effort?” Swap offered. “haven't you been going through a since of deja vu, perhaps a sense of what the human will do before the human does it?”

 

Papyrus thought back, thinking about the oddity of the human's actions. There was something familiar... though deja vu hadn't been what sprung immediately to mind, there was something scripted in the human's behaviors... and in himself. Giving the human a chance to cast away their weapon was something he had to do, a melancholic touch of something simmering beneath the surface. If he closed his eyesockets, he could almost taste the current rushing past him, the surface of his bones heated like the Hotlands but not quite as something bright seared his eyelights-

 

He jerked in place almost like he'd fallen asleep.

 

“Y-YES, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.” He shook his head to clear the buzz that replaced the fading afterimage.

 

He expected them to shrug off his odd moment, lost in the haze of the mysterious heat or perhaps for someone to reach over and check him for a fever. Instead of looks of concern or confusion, everyone met his gaze with mutual and intense understanding. In that moment, it was like he could see the threads of fate wrapped around each other, and even around himself. His breath hitched and caught in his throat, the feeling deep beneath his sternum flooding.

 

Swap patted his hand briefly before hauling himself off the carpeted floor. Slim caught Papyrus's eye to tap at the corner of his jawbone. When he cocked his head inquisitively at him, he'd grinned widely and pointed to his grin, then allowed the expression to drop to a more natural smile as the armored Sans led him away.

 

_'Smile.'_

 

“WIPE THOSE AWAY BEFORE ANYONE SEES,” Fell grunted, wiping at Papyrus's face with the scarf he still wore unexpectedly. It was only when Fell's scarf pressed to his face that he felt the tears that had collected at the corners of his eyesockets.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got the idea that the program resetting would recognize all of the extra copies as just the one person, and try to shove them all into the same space XD So here's the awkward results that'll happen every single time a reset happens! Now that the reset's happened, they've got a limited time to think of a solution before the human comes swinging again! (maybe I'm way too excited about that for being the person that's writing this XD)  
> Special thanks goes to Colbypuppy for helping me think of names for the other Alphys and Undynes! I think I would've been overwhelmed trying to do it on my own.


	17. Misdiagnosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus comes down with something very strange, and misjudges every single symptom.

“enjoying that steak a little much are you?” Sans watched as his younger brother sucked casually at a raw steak, looking for all the world like he was just sipping at a cup of milk as he held his puzzlemaking book at a distance from the bloody mess.

 

“YES???” Papyrus responded, arching an eyebrow highly, his tone of voice suggesting that this was perfectly natural.

 

“you sure eating that raw isn't a mi-steak?” Sans suggested, Papyrus rolling his eyelights at the obligatory pun, but otherwise ignoring it to tend to his puzzlemaking guide.

 

“NO SANS, IN FACT THIS SEEMS TO BE JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED! I WAS DEFINITELY CRAVING SOMETHING... BUT I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT UNTIL I SAW THIS STEAK IN THE FREEZER!” Papyrus told him, and then resumed chomping down on the steak. Sans only watched with raised eyebrows, eyelights flickering to the scarf over his neck.

 

After breakfast, Papyrus went up into his room to talk out a major problem on the phone as he got ready for the day. “HEY UNDYNE, I WASN'T ABLE TO FIND A SOLUTION FOR THIS ON THE INTERNET, SO... HOW DO YOU TROUBLESHOOT A MALFUNCTIONING MIRROR?”

 

“Excuse me?” Undyne said over the phone. In real life, she'd stopped her morning fruit smoothie obliteration routine, strawberry fruit pulp dripping off her fists before sloughing the matter into a cup with some yogurt and mashed banana and mixing it with a spoon. She thought she heard incorrectly through the banana pulp splattered on the speakerphone, and wiped it off before picking it up.

 

“YEAH, RIGHT?! IF ONLY I CAN GET THAT MUCH FROM THE MIRROR, OR AT LEAST AN APOLOGY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE! IF ONLY I'D KNOWN THAT MIRRORS COULD JUST STOP WORKING, SHEESH...” Papyrus grumbled, as he put different clothes in front of his chest as if just the right outfit would suddenly make him appear in the mirror.

 

“Wait, wait, what do you mean broken mirror? Did you throw something at the mirror?” Undyne asked, her eyebrow furrowed.

 

“NO NOT BROKEN! JUST NOT WORKING.” Papyrus corrected, giving up and throwing the date clothes with everything else he owned on his bed.

 

“Is this some sort of weird riddle you made up Pap?” The sounds of Undyne chugging down something thick transmitted through the phone after her question. She belched before continuing, “Anyways, I haven't seen you out during the day lately, what've you been doing?”

 

“OH WELL THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT CAN OF WORMS, IF WORMS COULD BE DETERMINED BY PERSISTENT SUNBURNS. I HONESTLY THOUGHT THE HUMAN WAS KIDDING WHEN THEY SAID THE SUN COULD BURN YOU, BUT IT'S TRUE! WHAT I JUST DON'T GET IS WHY IT'S HAPPENING SO OFTEN LATELY...”

 

“Ooookay, well why not come over for super special training?” Undyne suggested. Papyrus winced, remembering the last time he tried cooking in his own kitchen.

 

“ABOUT THAT...” he hedged. “I THINK I MIGHT BE ALLERGIC TO GARLIC?”

 

“... you been bitten by anything recently?” Undyne questioned pointed blank. Papyrus rubbed his chin and crossed an arm in front of his chest in thought.

 

“NOT BY ANYTHING RECENTLY. ALTHOUGH BATS KEEP SHOWING UP AT MY WINDOW FOR SOME REASON. AT FIRST I THOUGHT THEY WERE THE REASON I WAS STAYING UP LATELY, SO I LET THEM IN IF THEY PROMISED TO BE QUIET. THEY'VE BEEN VERY NICE IN THAT REGARD BUT I HAVEN'T FALLEN ASLEEP AT NIGHT FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW.”

 

Undyne fell silent, gathering her thoughts. Finally, she suggested “How about we have a movie marathon tonight?”

 

~

 

“ERM, NO OFFENSE, BUT WE'VE WATCHED BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA, THE LOST BOYS, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, 'SALEM'S LOT, AND TWILIGHT. IT IS LITERALLY FIVE IN THE MORNING NOW AND YOU'RE SUGGESTING A MOVIE CALLED 'FROM DUSK 'TIL DAWN'?! IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL US ALPHYS?” Papyrus asked suspiciously.

 

“N-no, just w-wondering if any of these things r-r-ring a bell... kinda like y-you did earlier Papyrus?” Alphys responded, leaning in as she adjusted her glasses.

 

“ERM, IT'S CALLED BEING POLITE?”

 

“So you're telling me there's nothing in these movies that's at all familiar to you?!” Undyne groaned. “LIKE BEING A FREAKIN' VAMPIRE AND NOT TELLING US?!!!”

 

“WHA- I THOUGHT YOU WERE HINTING YOU'RE A VAMPIRE ALPHYS?!!” Papyrus shrieked. “I'M NOT A VAMPIRE!!!”

 

“OH MY GOD???! N-neither am I?!!” Alphys yelled in shock.

 

“papyrus.” Sans's voice broke through the storm of the room, his serious tone being enough to reign in the chaos. “when was the last time you fell asleep at ten pm?”

 

“LAST MONDAY!” Papyrus responded defensively. “HONESTLY, I CAME HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND I'M FEELING SO-”

 

“papyrus? can you take off your scarf?” Sans prompted. Everyone's eyes flew to his scarf, which was covering up his neck.

 

“FINE! BUT I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S NOTHING THERE!” Papyrus unwrapped his scarf from his neck, showing pristine unmarked bones. “SEE? NOTHING THERE YOU WORRYWARTS!”

 

Undyne groaned in disappointment, but Alphys reached over to his right hand that he'd used to unwrap the scarf, “P-papyrus, what h-happened h-here?”

 

The bones of his metacarpals were wrapped in bandages. “THIS? OH, IT'S NOTHING.” Papyrus unwrapped the bones to show that they were slightly scored. The marks were not deep, but they were broad and had drawn pinprick's worth of marrow. “FRISK SHOWED ME THEIR CLASS PET ON MONDAY. I CAME OVER TO DEMONSTRATE HOW TO MAKE SPAGHETTI FOR SHOW AND TELL FOR THEIR CLASS, AND THE BUNNY MUST'VE SMELLED VEGGIE GOODNESS ON MY BONES BECAUSE THEY BIT DOWN PRETTY HARD!”

 

“Oh...” Undyne slumped. “Then it can't be that?”

 

“OBVIOUSLY NOT.” Papyrus affirmed. “DON'T BE PUT OUT THOUGH, IT SEEMS THAT YOU ALL PUT A LOT OF WORK IN THIS HYPOTHESIS OF YOURS, AND YOU OUGHT TO BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELVES FOR TRYING!”

 

“uh, thanks bro.” Sans was the first to respond, patting his brother on the back mid-yawn. “you sure you don't feel tired though?”

 

“I'M SURE SANS! BUT I'M IMPRESSED WITH YOUR ABILITY TO WAKE UP AT THIS HOUR EVEN IF YOU FELL ASLEEP DURING MOST OF OUR MOVIES, AND GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SLEEP WHILE WE FINISH OFF THE REST OF THE MOVIES AVAILABLE.” Papyrus declared magnanimously, and Sans gave him a half-hearted thumbs up before falling over asleep.

 

The girls just exchanged dubious looks before the movie started, Undyne being the next to fall to sleep as she was the early riser in the group and Alphys managing to stay up stroking Undyne's head in her lap until about ten minutes before the credits rolled, finally reaching her limit and succumbing to her dream world. Papyrus threw a blanket over them and switched movies until morning light filtered in, only then curling up in a blanket with Sans and snoozing.

 

~

 

“hey frisk, is there anything unusual about that rabbit your teacher owns?” Sans asked as Frisk swung carelessly from his arm. The kid was getting taller since they'd reached the surface, soon they'll be too tall to swing from his arm, limbs folding partially as their feet dragged against the ground. Frisk let go and skipped in front to face him.

 

They signed, “The bunny is the little brother of my teacher? Does that count?”

 

“wait, really? are they monsters?” Sans asked, but his mind was working overtime, rendering the question into a rhetorical one only seconds after the words were out of his mouth. “do you take him outside sometimes?”

 

“No, our teacher says that's not good for him. Why?” Frisk signed, a puzzled expression on their face. Sans waved them off.

  
“ah, no reason.” He began thinking about how best to restock the fridge- and his pun repertoire.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame Tumblr again, I saw a vampire shitpost and just needed this to be a thing haha. Monsters are pretty funny in the game, like with the way the amalgams were accepted back into their old lives (though with some major adaptations I'm sure)? I feel like it'd just be business as usual.   
> By the way, the bunny vampire ending was inspired by the children's book series "Bunnicula". I get the impression I associate Papyrus with bunnies quite strongly in this drabble series now.


	18. Egg Watching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans tries to hatch a naga egg.
> 
> Sort of.

The egg on the table before him, was a creamy blank white. Supposedly, there was something actually growing inside there, a cryptozoological creature that would grow to be bigger than himself. A naga was a powerful and dangerous creature, bigger than an anaconda, and evidence showed that they exhibited an intelligence more akin to monsters and humans than many other animals. Whatever that meant. Honestly he slept through the debriefing, so he was a little fuzzy on what being a keeper entailed. Sans studied the little thing thoughtfully, and picked it up.

 

He drew a face and glued googly eyes to it.

 

“nailed it.”

 

The next week or so was spent keeping it in his jacket pocket. It had to incubate, but the books didn't say it had to incubate in its designated incubating spot. He figured he could just wing it, and keep it in his hood of his jacket. It's not like he needed to use it anyways, and so went his days. He had plenty of time until the naga hatched so he just visited Grillby's or hung out in the observatory.

 

All Grillby commented on the matter was- “... is that googly eyes?”

 

Otherwise, it was probably some of the laziest days he's ever experienced. Honestly, caring for the egg of an extremely rare and powerful species of snake was kind of underwhelming. One day it was cloudy, so the observatory he would visit was nearly empty with the only other person looking at the painted constellation ceiling was the janitor dusting the spiral staircase rails up to the top floor. Sans was munching away on a hot dog, half asleep on one of the benches set up for the constellation show, when his thoughts drifted from space and meteors to how big the naga would be, to eventually thinking about how long it'd take to hatch. Maybe just as long as it took to grow, but a lot of other keepers from his field had already hatched their eggs like Red whose naga bit him almost immediately on breaking the shell with their egg tooth. Good thing it was young and the teeth were soft, but if most of the keeper's eggs were hatched already, then will this one?

 

He wasn't the kind to get impatient, but he was a little concerned. Taking the egg out of his hoodie, he examined the googly eyes and goofy smile drawn on the egg. It was warm to the touch, which was a good sign. He heard from Toriel that Asgore sometimes sang to plants, which he claimed helped them grow, so maybe...

 

He frowned to himself. Maybe it was best not to sing in public, but maybe he could just talk to it? He cleared his throat experimentally, the janitor not even bothering to look over to see what he was doing. The rain outside increased from a barely perceptible pittering to a low roar cocooning the space around him.

 

“so you've probably heard this a million times from the announcer by now, but do you know why that star got arrested?” He found himself pointing at a random speck of phosphorescent paint on the ceiling, despite the egg only having plastic googly eyes. “because it was a shooting star!”

 

The egg remained silent.

 

“boy, tough crowd tonight. in that case, why didn't the dog laugh at the joke? because it was too sirius!” Sans chuckled to himself at that one, but the egg remained impartial to the punch line. “okay okay okay, maybe you don't like star jokes. so how does the man in the moon get a haircut?”

 

“How does he do that?” The janitor in the corner asked, their curiosity piqued. Sans winked conspiratorially at him.

 

“Eclipse it!”

 

The punchline got a dry chuckle out of them before the moved on. Sans redirected his gaze towards the egg. It might've been Sans's imagination, but for just a second, he thought there might've been some movement inside.

 

~

 

Sans woke up a few mornings later to chirping, of all things. He wondered fuzzily if a bird had gotten in when he leaned on his elbow and something _crunched_ underneath it. Startled, he vaulted back to see granules of egg shell partially buried into his sheets, his first thought being “oh shit, i broke the egg-”

 

Then something smooth slipped down from his neck like it'd always been there and fell into reeling and writhing coils onto the worn polyester of his athletic shorts. The bright orange scales gave way to white, and then eventually the bare ribs and attentive face of the naga that he halfway expected never to see at this point. He could only stop and stare as the little thing chirped at him one more time, thinking aloud as he offered his hand reflexively in greeting, “how hawkward, i thought i had a snake egg, not a bird's egg.”

 

The naga opened its mouth wide, jaw stretching impossibly before chomping onto his index finger hard. Then they started chewing, slitted eyelights darting up at him indignantly. Sans winced slightly, and carefully moved his other hand to support their weight as he slid out of bed. “welp, there it is. guess i should feed you.”

 

He made his way to the kitchen, opening the freezer and feeling the snake make their way into his sleeve and slip through his ribs before traveling back up and peeking at his progress with dunking frozen whole mice into a cup of warm water, tongue flickering out experimentally. In the mean time, he got coffee prepped for himself, and came back to the mouse. It was still cold. In a cup of coffee and a near accident involving the naga trying to dip their head into his coffee, the mouse was finally warmed up for the most part and he set it out in front of them. The naga looked to it, and seemed like it might consider eating only for their eyelights to shift past it as soon as he stopped moving it. It seemed like they didn't recognize it at all.

 

Sans took a few moments to puzzle it out, with the naga persistently chirping near his skull urgently. Ah, movement. Especially for a first feeding, they might need help recognizing prey. With a flick of blue magic, he sent the mouse skittering across the table and like a shot the naga darted forward and swallowed it whole. As the little guy gulped down a mouse almost as big as themselves, Sans called Red to ask for a quick run down on what he needs to know about the newborn nagas.

 

The naga slithered back over and began slipping back into his clothes so that it could curl around his neck and chirp once more, “NYEH!”

 

“was that the baby?” Red asked over the phone. “it sounds kinda funny.”

 

“heh, yeah but he's a cute little guy. i think he's nodding off on me.” Sans flexed slowly to reach around his neck and brush his phalanges below the naga's chin. “busy day and all, hatching.”

 

“enjoy the peace while you can, he'll be pestering you to give him live birds before you know it.” Red commented dryly.

 

Sans joked, “i'm sure the bird's family will investigate for fowl play- ow!” Just as Red started chuckling at the dumb joke, the naga started gnawing on Sans's collarbone angrily. “okay okay papyrus, i know you aren't emused by my puns.”

 

The chewing increased in fervor and soon Sans was crying in both pain and laughter, unaware that the name had slipped from him before he'd even considered what the newborn should be called.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I wrote enough sin about nagas, so here's some cutesy fluffy bro nagas!


	19. Bathtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge is shedding his first skin, and he's fussy. Red thinks of a solution.

When Edge’s scales started getting dull and losing their vibrant crimson splendor, Red started worrying about his naga. The young naga had only barely hatched a couple of weeks ago, and although the snake didn’t seem to believe it, he was very vulnerable to disease at this stage in his life. Fell had gotten much more irritable than usual lately as well; he kept biting Red as if the keeper was the source of everything wrong in his little world. 

 

“ow, hey! chill out little guy.” Red was seriously considering taking Edge to Gaster for a examination when the answer came off in his hands when he attempted to soothe the angry snake that had attached himself to his tibia. The dull scales fell away to reveal even more brilliantly lustrous crimson than Red remembered seeing before, and he realized that Edge was shedding.

 

He could practically headbutt the wall with how dense he was being. Of course he was shedding, that’s what nagas do! “all right, i get it. i’ll be extra careful where i’m touching.”

 

That didn’t stop Edge from being clingy and pissy all at once though. In fact, once he tried to reduce contact with the problem area, he slithered around Red’s forearm. He was constricting him around the sharp part of the elbow in an attempt to peel off the uncomfortable layer of dead scales, and making things difficult for Red to get anything done. Red could only guess what it must be like for his charge, to try and pull out a clinging overly tight shell of his own skin like pulling off too-tight jeans.

 

He ran his phalanges across Edge’s spine, letting scales catch and brushing them off. The first moment some of his old skin caught and tore, Edge hissed and buried his fangs into Red’s humerus.

 

This called for a different tactic, if Red tried to pull off more, Edge would be getting injured. Injuries could infected. Still, he could soften the skin up and Red headed upstairs, leading the angrily gnawing Edge along with him into the bathroom. He ran the water in the bathtub hotter than he’d like, and allowed the tub to fill only a third of the way, getting dry towels in the process before ceasing the flow of water. 

 

“you’ll have to go straight to your hot rock after this.” He warned the the naga, who had ceased chewing to peer suspiciously at the water in the tub. “don’t stop to smell the rodents and all, heh heh.”

 

Edge didn’t appear to be too terribly impressed with the set up as he was lowered gently into the hot water. He looked to Red with a low hiss as if to say, “Well what am I supposed to do now?”

 

Fortunately, he was already prepared for this contingency, and had brought out a few bath toys such as a rubber squeaking ducky for Edge to chase through the shallow bathwater. After two lethal snaps, the duckie could no longer squeak and Red had the challenge soon after of trying to keep the little snake from swallowing the toy whole.

 

“okay, so that wasn’t my best idea i’ve ever had.” Red grumbled, tossing into the trash bin like he would a basketball. By this time, Edge’s skin started coming off in the lukewarm water, scales floating in the water and the old skin loosening up from over him. Red scooped him out of the water before it could get too cold, already seeing his movements becoming more sluggish and clumsy than he’d like. “c’mon, hot rock.”

 

Swaddled in towels, Edge was brought into his enclosure where Red carefully rubbed him down with the towels. The old skin was coming off along the flow of Edge’s scaled body, softened and and breaking off in whole transparent red sheets that the sunlight pierced through to illuminate the liquid luster of new crimson scales. Relaxing for the first time that day, Edge was falling asleep across Red’s femurs. 

 

Odd scales were still coming off as he petted Edge, but Red was confident that this was the worst of the shedding that he’d be seeing until the next molt. He could feel himself becoming more reluctant to move, seeing as his little charge was finally relaxing. The sun was shining though it was a little stifling without a breeze, birds outside the enclosure were singing, flowers were blooming in the carefully planned landscape. He fell asleep thinking of calling Gaster to ask about opening up the sunroof to let in a breeze, phalanges stilling to a gentle rubbing across Edge’s skull. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually written like a month and a half ago but I just got around to typing it out from my notebook XD My paper notebook is almost out of pages, so I'm clearing pages out for a different notebook and getting my work from it on my computer. Might post another drabble soon.


	20. Edge Needs a Break from his Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stress of the job hunt starts getting to Edge.

He never got a call back from any of the interviewers.

 

_ THWACK! _

 

Edge hit the dummy with all the force he could muster, the coarse feeling against his knuckles both satisfying and yet the internal pressure in his skull eased only a little bit. Again.

 

_ THWACK!!! _

 

**A g a i n.**

 

_ THWACK!!!! _

 

**_A G A I N._ **

 

Soon he was wailing on it with both fists, panting heavily but not willing to stop. With each impact, he was releasing the pressure, willing it away. Every time he thought of ceasing the monotony of his rage against the dummy, the fear would bubble back, swelling and seething and pressing into each corner of his skull until he thought he might scream.

 

“EDGE STOP!”

 

The physical pressure that he was supposed to feel against his fists was suddenly diverted, something hooking into the crook of his elbow, and his joints creaking briefly under the pressure of phalanges pulling him back and briefly off balance. He swung around, feeling his vision go blood red before his eye lights fell upon Papyrus.

 

“STOP.” His multiverse twin emphasized the single word, worry softening his the tone of his command. “BREATHE. YOUR GLOVES ARE ALREADY TORN.”

 

Edge closed his eyes briefly and was stunned to find that his eye sockets were wet around the ridges, visibly cringing before he composed himself and did as Papyrus requested. Exhaling noisily and his skull pounding noisily, his tunnel vision finally gave way to the outside world with a sudden bout of birdsong. He opened his eyes again as if the sound woke him up from a bad dream, and this time he was able to see that Papyrus wasn't the only one who'd grabbed him. Blue held his elbow as well, concern flashing through his starry eyes. He wasn't sure when, but at some point Black had stepped in front of the training dummy in case he'd break free and try to take another swing at it.

 

“WHAT'RE YOU DOING?” He muttered, not meeting their eyes as he scrubbed angrily at the moisture that'd gathered in his eye sockets without his permission. “SHOULDN'T YOU ALL BE GETTING READY FOR WORK?”

 

“UH, NOT WHEN YOU'RE LOSING YOUR SHIT.” Black snorted. “I'M CERTAIN THAT THE THEATER STUNT CREW CAN GO ON WITHOUT ME FOR A DAY, REGARDLESS OF HOW HORRIBLY MARVELOUS MY STUNTS MAY BE.”

 

Blue nodded, letting go of him to declare earnestly, “I CAN GET SOMEONE TO TAKE MY SHIFT AS WELL! WON'T YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?”

 

He tried backing away, but there wasn't much room for retreat when Papyrus maintained a steady grip on his elbow. Edge stuttered “I-I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY! IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEONE AS TERRIBLE AS ME COULD BE WORRIED ABOUT ANYTHING! CERTAINLY NOT THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT I'VE WAITED FOR A CALL BACK, OR THAT- THAT- THAT THE INTERVIEWERS CAN'T SEE MY GREATNESS OR THAT MY RESUME IS TOO-”

 

He clenched his jaw shut, swallowing hard against the sudden tightness that threatened to make his voice crack. He can't lose face in front of his alternates, but Papyrus was maintaining an even tighter grip to keep him from making a tactical retreat via back flip over the backyard gate. The internal pressure coming back with a vengeance, the inside of his skull tight like a bomb shell ready to be blown into shreds-

 

“why don't you guys go out somewhere nice?” His brother's voice so close, shook him out of his impending panic attack, the swelling abating as his focus redirected to Red standing in front of him to examine his knuckles. “go get ready. boss'll be back real quick after this is taken care of.”

 

He tapped his knuckles, barely felt at first, but it started stinging as the sensation worked its way through the damaged bone and into the intact nerves of the magic beneath. Red pulled him through a shortcut into their room, and sat him down to stare at him seriously, no trace of his sweaty nervous demeanor, nor the teasing smile that he saw more and more of the longer they stayed in this universe with their alternate brothers.

 

“boss, you know the job hunt isn't going to last forever, right?”

 

Edge avoided his gaze, “IT SHOULDN'T HAVE LASTED AS LONG AS IT HAS ALREADY! EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY WORKING AND I HATE THIS FEELING LIKE I'M DEAD WEIGHT...”

 

“papyrus, it's taking a long time because you have standards, and you're doing this search on your own. i'm impressed with you bro, i always am. do you think blue, black, or papyrus would keep their cool this long? Black would have had a hissy fit three weeks ago, blue would've locked himself up in his room and cried, and papyrus... well, what is it that everyone here already knows about but no one talks about?” Red pulled his chin up so that Edge’s gaze would meet his eyelights.

 

Edge worked his jaw, the joint between his mandible and skull tensing and relaxing as his eyelights grew fuzzy with tears forming, but valiantly keeping them in. “THAT SANS PULLED SOME STRINGS TO GET HIM TO WORK AT THE SAME COFFEE AND POETRY SLAM SHOP THAT HE WORKS AT?”

 

“exactly. papyrus had help. and the rest of us? we settled. swap's working in a plant nursery hauling pots and bags of soil, i'm just manning a hot dog stand and slim- well, no one really knows what he does. the point is that you shouldn't settle for anything less than what you're good at.” Red headbutted his forehead lightly and then chuckled as Edge wiped away his sweat from the spot with a grimace. “there will be something that works for you, and if there isn't then we'll make something that works for you, got it? now get outta the house and outta your head for a bit.”

 

~

 

“ARE YOUR KNUCKLES TENDER STILL EDGE?” Blue asked, examining the gloved hand that Edge allowed him to have.

 

“OBVIOUSLY NOT.” He denied.

 

Black noted, “SO THAT'S A YES. WE'LL ASK FOR EXTRA ICE AT THE THEATER.”

 

“OR MAYBE WE CAN PICK UP SOME ICE CREAM ON OUR WAY THERE AND SMUGGLE IT IN!” Papyrus added cheerfully, raising eyebrows on all accounts. He glanced at them from driving real quick in time to catch the looks on their faces, and responded defensively with a “WHAT?”

 

“WOW-FUCKING-WIE.” Edge remarked, glad for the distraction from his bruised bones and leaning in conspiratorially. “LOOK WHO'S BREAKING THE RULES FOR ONCE!”

 

“ONE OF US, ONE OF US!” Black was the first to start the chant, cackling like an imp as Blue lit up and began clapping on beat.

 

“OH MY GOD GUYS!!!” Papyrus shrieked. “I'M NOT  _ THAT _ BIG OF A GOODIE TWO SHOES! I HAVE A 'BAD TO THE BONE' TEE IN MY CLOSET YOU KNOW!”

 

They got to the grocery store, Papyrus still being teased about his non-rebellious streak, and Edge's mind drifting back to the job problem when Blue shoved a whole collection of ice cream tubs in his arms. “WHICH FLAVOR DO YOU WANT?”

 

Edge opened his mouth only for Blue to push a gloved finger to his teeth, “SHHHHH I KNOW- YOU WANT ALL OF THEM, DON’T YOU?” His starry eyes lit up with excited mischief, and Edge’s eyes bugged out at that the thought of Blue eating all of the ice cream through the course of a two hour film.

 

“HELL NO I DON’T WANT THAT MUCH ICE CREAM, AND YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE THAT MUCH EITHER YOU EVIL LITTLE GOBLIN!!!”

 

“YEP! YOU WANT ALLLLL THE FLAVORS! NEAPOLITAN, MOOSE TRACKS, ROCKY ROAD, BIRTHDAY CAKE, MOO-LLENIEL CRUNCH, BANANA SPLITS, CARAMEL CORN-” Blue named, just about ready to pull open the freezer door to rip all the aforementioned ice cream flavors from their innocent places on the shelves when Papyrus grabbed one carton and closed it for him, wearing a bright smile that brokered no disagreement.

 

“YOU’LL SAVE ROOM FOR SPAGHETTI TONIGHT, RIGHT?”

 

Other than Blue sulking and disaster averted, the trip to the theaters was uneventful, including the movie. Edge thought that it was the least scary thing he’d seen, especially with the damn camera shaking so much, it just reminded him of playing the one game with Papyrus. Ugh. The villain never showed up! How are you supposed to get scared if you never see the thing that’s supposed to be scary?! Yet, the strawberry ice cream did taste pretty sweet, and they did manage to get through three-quarters of the film before Black got them kicked out by throwing his soda at the theater screen in a panicked flail.

 

At some point between the movie and the ride home with Blue and Black both nodding off in the backseat, exhaustion setting in after the sugar rush and Edge watched the buildings go by, the frantic panic that he felt building throughout the week somehow having disappeared.

 

Maybe tomorrow, he’ll get that call back. He won’t wait for it though.

 

No.

 

He’ll get a job, even if he has to go to every interview in the damn city to find it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, I'm posting during a hurricane! How fun~ Anyways, we have like 1-2 segments left of Edge Finding a Job, so hang tight! This mini-drabble series is nearly over. I figured that I'd have Edge going through the same things I went through in the job search, because it really is SO frustrating, it's hard not to get bummed out and feel like a useless lump. To anyone who's looking for a job, good luck! I know you're doing your best, so be sure to stay determined!


	21. Genocidal Tendencies: Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many skeletons does it take to unscrew reality?

Coming down from his room, Papyrus instantly noticed the smell of cinnabunnies wafting through the air. Passing a couple of his other ‘selves’ and heading downstairs, he saw that a couple of his brother’s clones had already torn into a few of the still warm treats. Looking up as he approached, one Sans with bright starry blue eyelights reached into a bag with a bunny logo napkin and pulled out a cinnabunny, the steam still wafting from the gooey pastry.

 

“BE SURE TO EAT THIS MORNING,” This Sans lectured as he handed the sweet to him, quickly joined by a glass of milk that he’d poured from a newly purchased gallon jug. “WE’LL BE PREPARING FOR THE HUMAN ALL DAY.”

 

“NYEH HEH HEHE, I’M ALWAYS TELLING SANS THE SAME THING… ER, THE SANS THAT IS MY BROTHER I MEAN.” Papyrus took the cinnabunny gratefully and studied this version of his brother. He wore bright blue constructed armor, and a heavily worn bandana around his neck. Was this what his brother would’ve looked like with more motivation?

 

“MWEH HEH HEH, GOOD! AT LEAST THIS PAPYRUS HAS SOME COMMON SENSE NOT TO NEGLECT THE MOST VITAL MEAL OF THE DAY.” Sans-with-stars-in-his-eyes declared pointedly, his gaze directed towards Swap. In response, his other self simply smiled and shook a bottle of honey in-between two fingers like a pendulum to show off his prize before taking a long swig, attention redirected back to tapping away at his phone. Sans yells, “THAT DOESN’T COUNT!!!”

 

Glancing down at his glass of milk, surrounded by so many echoes of who they could’ve become, he couldn’t help but flashback to being a babybones. Sans was always telling him much the same thing until the habit was ingrained… though he never seemed to follow his own advice. 

 

Another Sans appeared by his elbow, his red eyelights and gold tooth gleaming, “before you get too confused papyrus, lemme introduce you to ourselves. we’re all a boneful, but no one here is gonna let ya get hurt.”

 

Soon, he was getting acquainted with a dizzying series of names, a couple of which he’d only barely picked up before the reset like Fell and Swap. Eventually, he was able to ask “WHAT… ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW? THE HUMAN WILL BE COMING BACK SINCE THIS IS THE SAME MORNING AS BEFORE.”

 

“we need to find the real human.” Slim butted in, his e-cigarette in hand even while holding an unmarked bottle. While Red was explaining everything he could and Papyrus was asking questions -mostly about whether or not they were all going to be friends and where they were all going to sleep- all of their copies had managed to congregate into the living room.

 

“heh, now this is a bone-a fide meeting.” His brother suddenly appeared in their midst, carrying a large grease stained bag. “grillby’s burgs if anyone wants one.” Nodding his thanks, Red  reached into the take-out bag.

 

Papyrus groaned, “SANS DON’T MAKE EMBARRASSING PUNS IN FRONT OF OUR INTER-DIMENSIONAL COUNTERPARTS!”

 

“ah, but we have such an apundance of them. it would be a shame to ignore such a bone-ty of comic relief, nyeh heh heh.” Swap chuckled and like a bomb went off, the room exploded with groans and appreciative laughter. The discussion got thoroughly derailed for a few minutes before Sans called for some sanity to the situation.   
  
“as much as i’d like to pun-tinue, that thing will be coming through the door in a day. so what i’d like to know is what you meant by finding the real human?” Sans asked somberly. His smile remained fixed, it always did, but his eyelights fixed on their alternate selves in pinpoints reminiscent of cat’s eye glass that made his eyesockets look wide with hollow wonder.

 

“IT’S KINDA HARD TO EXPLAIN…” Blue scratched his skull and looked to Swap for guidance.

 

“WOULDN’T IT BE BEST TO ASK UNDY- I MEAN, SIREN. MUTT?” Black interrupted, looking to Slim with an entirely different manner that was like watching a funhouse mirror of Blue.

“yes, m’lord.” Slim already had his own phone out and dialing.   
  
“WAIT, BUT ALPHYS IS THE ROYAL SCIENTIST, WHY WOULD UNDYNE KNOW ABOUT THIS?” Papyrus asked, already half standing to stop them when Blue pulled him back down, the couch jingling on impact.

 

“IN THEIR UNIVERSE AND OURS, UNDYNE IS THE ROYAL SCIENTIST.” he explained, just as Papyrus’s and Sans’s phones start going off with a series of notification beeps. Nonplussed, Papyrus checked to find that his online friend was having a miniature meltdown-

 

MewMewKissyCutie: THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND THERE’S THREE OF YOU?!! 

 

MewMewKissyCutie: THAT MOMENT AFTER THE FIRST MOMENT WHEN THEY’RE INTER-DIMENSIONAL TRAVELLERS?!

 

MewMewKissyCutie: AND ALL OF THEM ARE SUPER HOT?!?!?!? LIKE FML LOL

 

MewMewKissyCutie: N-no seriously, how can I get abs like those >.<

 

Deth2MMKC2: We can all read these y’know

 

MewMewKissyCutie: O_o

 

PowerLizard92: Also the secret is 500 crunches in an hour. 200 push ups if you want these guns~

  
  


MewMewKissyCutie: O-okay I’m just gonna go to the bathroom and… die. 

 

MewMewKissyCutie: omgomgomgomg I can’t believe they saw that rofl why me I’m so embarrassed >///<

 

KillerReptile92: We can still read these?!? lolol

 

MewMewKissyCutie: !!!

 

*MewMewKissyCutie is now Offline*

 

“well that’s a first.” Sans notes, before shrugging and putting his phone away. “normally you’d have to pull social media from her cold dead claws.

 

Papyrus remarked optimistically, “THEY SEEM TO BE GETTING ALONG!”

 

“HELLLLOOO ARE YOU NERDS EVEN LISTENING?!!” Slim’s phone on speakerphone via one of the Undynes yelled angrily. “I’m not repeating it for you later if you’re not!”

 

“WE’RE LISTENING UNDYNE! WHAT ARE WE DOING?” Papyrus responded first, standing at attention instinctively to Undyne’s irritated tone despite her being unable to see his stance.

 

A breathier version of the voice drifted through the speakers, sounding very sweaty and nervous. “W-well i-i-it’s kinda like t-this? In the other universes, there was one constant, which is that the human didn’t start out indiscriminately killing as far as any one of us can remember. We all also seem to have latent memories of the world above us, like a idea of what the sun looked like? Maybe the way the outside world smelled? And yet, every one of us in every timeline has been facing a new human, one that mindlessly kills us… shuffling through the Underground joylessly like… like… a zombie?!”

 

“GET TO THE POINT SELKIE, I KNOW YOU AND ASHTRASH HAVE BEEN COOKING UP THIS HALF-BAKED THEORY THE LAST FEW DAYS.” Fell demanded, having finally finished eating and had neatly placed his cinnabunny wrappers back into an emptied bag. “WHAT ARE WE DOING?”   
  
“O-oh s-s-sorry F-f-fell-” Selkie’s stutter grew worse, and for a moment she was stalled on the next few words before she could continue. “W-we t-t-t-think t-that the human might need to be rescued. That we need to be the ones to rescue them.”

 

Her declaration was met by dumbfounded silence, Swap’s eyelights gauging their reactions one by one. Black was the first to find his voice, “THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD-”

 

“what do we have to do to get the kid back?” Red cut him off. Black glowered at him, but he was ignored as everyone’s attention was still focused on Selkie’s next suggestion. “got any ideas yet?”

 

“U-um?! N-no but…”

 

“he has.” Swap stepped forward and placed his phone on the table next to the pet rock, so that Sans, Slim, and Fell who was closest could see the hands flashing on the screen.

 

“... ASHTRASH. I CAN’T READ THIS.” Fell griped.

 

Sans waved him off, and projecting clearly from his ribcage for the room to hear, he reads-

 

“W E   H A C K   T H E   C O D E.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A: Just the one, and he's part of the code already. ;) 
> 
> Also, I love Alphys as a character, but as a player nothing annoyed me more than Alphys constantly updating in the middle of the levels X'D I really do prefer being able to voluntarily check messages of my own accord, but in the meantime I'll amuse myself with Alphys facing the awkwardness that is facing herself and getting caught indulging in some selfcest haha.


End file.
